Reversal
Part Seven
Subaru moved from fruit to popsicles.
It was absolutely ridiculous, but Seishirou felt he might go insane from wanting him so badly. Somehow, Subaru managed to have an effect on him that no one else had ever had. It was the bizarre way the Sumeragi managed to combine innocence and sensuality, appealing to everything Seishirou had ever wanted in a person.
And Subaru always held him at arm’s length.
By the end of the week, Seishirou was sick of it. If Subaru was going to continue to lead him on like this, it was time he stopped being a tease.
It was Friday and he’d had a long week, not to mention a tiring one. Subaru was in the kitchen cooking dinner, not even doing anything out of the ordinary other than what he was wearing. Even that wasn’t too outrageous; just a white V-neck sweater and his black leather pants.
“Subaru-kun, we need to talk.”
“Hm?” Subaru turned around to face him.
“I thought you might want to know that there’s a flaw in your plan.”
“Oh?” Subaru looked skeptical.
“I’m guessing at this point that your plan is to drive me crazy and make me decide that I’m in love with you and admit it so you’ll stop torturing me.”
“Generally speaking, yes.”
“So let’s say I was to say right now that I had decided I love you. How would you know I’m not lying?”
Subaru just smiled. “I have my ways, Seishirou-san. And right now, you would be lying. Obviously, since you wouldn’t have asked if you planned on telling the truth.”
“I didn’t plan on saying I was in love with you,” Seishirou told him.
“I know,” Subaru said with a smile.
“Then did it occur to you that what you’re doing is dangerous?” Seishirou asked in a low voice, moving a little closer.
Subaru blinked. “Dangerous?”
“It’s not fair to tease a man the way you’ve been,” Seishirou told him. “Sometimes it’s enough to drive someone to drastic measures . . .” He reached out and toyed with a few strands of Subaru’s hair.
“Oh, really.” Subaru didn’t sound impressed.
“Really.” Seishirou’s lips brushed over his. “Very dangerous.” He leaned in for a kiss, pinning Subaru against the wall. “Especially with someone like me . . . who doesn’t care if you get hurt . . .” He traced Subaru’s jaw with one finger, kissing him more deeply, pushing Subaru’s lips apart. He pulled away long enough to say, “You don’t know what the real Seishirou-san would do . . .” His hand had worked its way under Subaru’s shirt. He kissed him again, sliding his tongue between the Sumeragi’s lips.
And jerked away as there was a sharp pain in his mouth, and he tasted blood.
That little bastard had bitten him.
Seishirou put one hand to his bleeding lip in surprise, then attempted to dodge as Subaru punched him squarely in the jaw. He stumbled backwards a step, then regained his balance.
“Don’t you dare,” Subaru hissed. “Don’t you ever treat me like that again.”
Seishirou rubbed his jaw. “Then stop being a tease,” he retorted. “If you’re ready to offer what you promise that’s one thing, but if you’re not, then stop it.”
“Oh, having trouble controlling yourself, Seishirou-san?” Subaru asked furiously. “I’d think an emotionless man like you wouldn’t be having any problems at all.”
“Lust isn’t the same thing as love,” Seishirou snapped, unknowingly nearly quoting Johnny. “I could have ice water in my veins instead of blood and I’d still be having trouble controlling myself.”
Subaru’s eyes went wide.
Ice water and blood . . .
So that’s what Johnny had meant.
Before Subaru could collect himself, Seishirou had turned on his heel and stormed out of the apartment.
Subaru slid to the floor, his shaking knees unable to hold him up any longer. After a long time spent trying to gather himself together, he got up and wrote a note to Seishirou. Then he simply curled up on the sofa in a ball of misery and waited to fall asleep.
****
Author’s Note: Okay, now I feel really bad for both of them . . . this isn’t my fault! ::hides::
Seishirou blinked and stared in astonishment. No, it just wasn’t possible. Not at all.
On the other hand, it would explain an awful lot . . .
He crossed the room and tapped the boy on the shoulder. “Konban wa, Johnny.”
Johnny whirled around and blinked, obviously surprised to see him. But he collected himself quickly. “Hi, Sei-san.”
Seishirou ignored the nickname. “You work here? At a Soapland?”
Johnny shrugged. “We all have to eat.”
Seishirou considered this. “So you’re the one who’s been giving Subaru tips this entire time.” He didn’t wait for Johnny to reply. “That explains a lot.”
Johnny just smiled. “He learned from the best. Here to work off a little tension, Sei-san?”
“You could put it that way.”
“What happened to your face?” Johnny asked, eyeing the growing bruise.
“Subaru-kun and I had a disagreement.”
“That was quite a disagreement.”
“I’m inclined to agree. May I ask a question?”
“You can always ask.”
“How do you know Subaru-kun?”
“Mutual friends,” Johnny replied.
“I see,” Seishirou said. “If you’ll excuse me, I have business to attend to.”
****
Seishirou got home near dawn, exhausted and not feeling any better. Subaru was asleep on the sofa, looking miserable. He had left a very short note.
“You’re right, lust isn’t the same thing as love. If it was only lust, anyone would do.”
Seishirou crumpled up the note and went to bed.
****
Author’s Random Insert: Karasu is a big meanie-head. She’s making me write the next part even though I just worked a five hour shift of straight customers and we’re both crisped to the point of exhaustion, but that’s okay because the characters are thinking for me so I don’t have to, which is a good thing since I obviously can’t, as is evidenced by this extremely long, complicated, pointless sentence. And now she’s abusing me. God damn.
“I need to ask a favor,” Subaru said, sitting down on the rocks next to Kakyou. He’d been visiting every week. “I’m putting the final part of my plan into action and I need a little help with the details.”
“Oh?” Kakyou asked, watching the waves pensively.
Subaru smiled a little. “It’s like this . . .”
****
Seishirou came home from work Monday with an aching head. He and Subaru had avoided each other like the plague over the weekend. Now he was confronted by the smell of dinner cooking and dim lighting. Not this again . . . “Tadaima, Subaru-kun.”
Subaru poked his head out of the kitchen. He was wearing a sweater (which had once been Seishirou’s and thus was far too big, and Seishirou knew he’d never get it back, but it was loose and looked good on Subaru, so who was complaining) and jeans. “Okaeri, Seishirou-san. I cooked dinner, then I think we need to talk.”
Seishirou nodded silently, though he didn’t look forward to it. Dinner passed mostly in silence.
Subaru clutched his mug of tea between both hands. “To begin with . . . I owe you an apology. It wasn’t fair of me to lead you on like that when I couldn’t offer what it looked like I was offering.”
Seishirou accepted this silently.
“I honestly would do anything to make you love me . . . except that. That’s something I can’t give you unless you truly care for me.”
Seishirou continued to drink his tea in silence.
Subaru looked at him, eyes open and honest. “I want to make you happy, Seishirou-san. And I thought it was working. That night . . . on the sofa . . . you looked so peaceful. I want . . . more times like that.”
So did Seishirou, and he wanted it so badly that he could never admit it to the Sumeragi. He still said nothing.
“Seishirou-san,” Subaru said quietly, “why don’t you have emotions?”
Seishirou blinked; that had to be the last question he was expecting from Subaru. It was a perfectly reasonable question, however, and he wondered why Subaru had never asked it before. Then he tried to figure out exactly what he was supposed to say in reply. Eventually he just shrugged. “It’s part of what being the Sakurazukamori is.”
“But what happened to them?” Subaru pressed. “Are you just born without them? Do you get rid of them? Do you lock them up?”
“Subaru-kun,” Seishirou said softly, “what you’re asking is if you have any chance of ever getting through to me.”
Subaru hung his head. “I-I suppose so, yes.”
“Why are you asking me this now?” Seishirou asked, confused.
Subaru shrugged his thin shoulders.
He’s starting to lose hope, Seishirou realized. That means that he might give up soon and things can go back to the way they should be.
He knew he should have felt satisfied, but instead there was only an aching sense of loss.
As much as he didn’t want to admit it, his life would be empty without Subaru.
Best to tell the truth then, and give the younger man that one spark of hope.
“They’re bound,” he finally said. “It’s a spell performed by the parents at birth. They’re held by bonds of ‘jitsu that keep them from interfering with being the Sakurazukamori.”
“Oh,” Subaru said, and Seishirou could see the hope blossoming in his eyes. That means if I could reverse the spell . . . they might be set free . . .
And Seishirou simply didn’t have the heart to tell him that it would be impossible. The spell had held steady for twenty-five years, had been reinforced by years of training and being a cold-blooded assassin. Even if Subaru could manage to reverse it, the repercussions would be devastating, perhaps even enough to kill the older man.
But that trembling that he felt now, whenever Subaru was near . . . didn’t that speak to the fact that the spell was weakening?
Seishirou didn’t know.
Subaru stood and cleared his place, dumping the dishes in the sink, then picked up Seishirou’s and did the same. “Do you want to go for a walk?” he asked quietly.
“Sure,” Seishirou said. I’d like that, Subaru-kun . . . I’d like it very much.
Subaru pulled his white trenchcoat on over his clothes and handed Seishirou his coat. The two of them walked out into the cool night air. Subaru shivered a little and Seishirou moved closer, putting his arm around the younger man’s shoulders. Subaru wrapped his arm around Seishirou’s waist and leaned his head on his shoulder, and for a while the two of them walked in silence, simply content to be with one another.
Seishirou realized later that he was far too wrapped up in the Sumeragi’s presence; what happened next might have been completely preventable, had he been paying attention. As it was, his instincts flared up with a sense of danger about two seconds before the gunshot.
He knew it was aimed at him - who on earth would want to kill Subaru? - but it never hit him. There was nothing except a dull thud as Subaru’s body crashed into his own, a sharp gasp of pain, and then a wave of dizziness as both of them fell to the ground in a tangled heap. There was that smell again, lavender and aftershave, but underneath it was the scent of blood.
“Subaru-kun!” Seishirou quickly made it to his knees and scanned the area with his second sight, but the assassin, whoever he had been, was gone. Seishirou knelt next to Subaru, who was bleeding from a wound in his shoulder. Seishirou quickly estimated the height difference and where they had been standing and how much Subaru had moved. If that bullet had hit its intended target, it probably would have killed him.
“Subaru-kun!” The Sumeragi’s eyes were closed, he had obviously passed out. Seishirou looked at the wound and determined that it wasn’t life threatening, it was too low to have broken his collarbone but too high to have punctured a lung. Seishirou took off his jacket and pressed it against the wound, trying to slow the blood loss. It probably wouldn’t be good for Subaru, but he ought to be able to move him safely, without causing further damage. Seishirou checked for an exit wound and saw that there was one; the bullet wasn’t still inside Subaru’s body. This was both good and bad; though it meant that it wasn’t still doing harm, Subaru was losing blood twice as fast.
Seishirou scooped Subaru up in his arms and ran for a phone.
****
Author’s Random Insert: Oh, and they were doing so well, too . . .
Seishirou paced the waiting room, far more anxious than he would have liked to admit. After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor came out. Seishirou immediately demanded to know what was going on. His suspicions were confirmed; Subaru wasn’t in danger of dying. “We’ve got an IV in replacing the blood he’s lost, and for now that’s about all we can do,” the doctor said. “He should be awake by morning.”
“Can I see him?” Seishirou asked.
“Sure, go ahead. He’s in room 112.”
Seishirou thanked him and went to Subaru’s room. The Sumeragi was pale but otherwise looked all right. As the doctor had said, there was an IV in, but that was all. His sweater and jeans were neatly folded on a chair, with his coat draped over the back.
“Sir?” a nurse asked, poking her head into the room. “There was a letter in the pocket of his coat, addressed to Johnny.” She eyed him skeptically; Seishirou didn’t look like someone who would be named Johnny. “I put it in the desk drawer.”
Seishirou nodded. “I’ll tell him.”
The nurse nodded back and left. Seishirou resisted the urge to read the letter himself. He told himself firmly that he respected Subaru’s privacy, pulled the second chair over to the bed, and sat. I’ll just . . . wait here until he’s awake, he thought, well aware of the irrationality of the decision and ignoring it.
It’s not like it matters, his inner voice decided to have its say. You’ve lost, you know it. You might as well give in with grace and be here when he wakes up.
For once, Seishirou didn’t argue with himself. He simply took Subaru’s hand in his own and waited for the younger man to wake up.
The next thing he knew, a nurse was shaking him. “Excuse me, Sakurazuka-san. It’s time for the doctor to see your friend. You have to leave for now.”
“Of course,” Seishirou muttered, pushing his disheveled hair out of his face and standing up. “What time is it?”
“It’s just past ten in the morning.”
Seishirou blinked. “I thought Subaru was going to be awake by now.”
“So did we,” the nurse said. “You’ll have to ask his doctor.”
Seishirou contented himself with that and waited outside until the doctor came out. “I thought Subaru would be awake by now?”
“So did I,” the doctor said. “I must admit I’m puzzled. His vital signs are stable, his blood level has returned to normal. There weren’t any head injuries. There’s really no reason why he wouldn’t be awake yet.” He gave Seishirou a reassuring smile. “But I’m sure he’ll wake up soon. If you leave a number where we can reach you, we’ll give you a call.”
“It’s the same one that’s on Subaru’s admission forms,” Seishirou replied distractedly. He realized he should go; he was going to be late for work. Not that he particularly cared. But he honestly couldn’t sit in Subaru’s hospital room all day waiting. He thanked the doctor and left, trying to deny how worried he really was.
****
“Do you think I did the right thing?”
“I don’t know.” Kakyou’s voice was thoughtful. “I guess we’ll have to wait and see if it actually works.”
“True enough.” Subaru picked up a stick and started to draw lines in the sand. “When he got hurt for me, I thought the world had ended . . . I guess I’m hoping the same thing will happen to him.”
“Which is why you’re still here?” Kakyou guessed. “Since you should have been awake about five hours ago?”
“Might as well make him worry while I’m at it,” Subaru confirmed. “I just wish I could be in both places at once. You know, see what was going on.”
“I could show you, if you like,” Kakyou offered.
Subaru brightened. “Sure.”
Kakyou closed his eyes for a second, and the Dreamscape dissolved in front of them to reveal Subaru’s hospital room, empty except for the Sumeragi. Subaru drooped. “Guess he’s not here.”
Kakyou shifted. “He’s probably working.”
“Yes, I suppose he is,” Subaru answered gloomily.
“Well, you can’t expect him to spend all his time here,” Kakyou said, reasonably enough.
“I know. I was just hoping.”
“Do you want to look again later?”
“No, I’ll just wait until I feel like waking up.”
“Until you’re done moping?”
Subaru shrugged. “Talk about the pot calling the kettle.”
Kakyou considered this. “Good point.”
“Hokuto’s still quite irritated with you, you know.”
“I know.”
“I wish you would come out long enough so I could summon her and you could talk to her.”
Kakyou shrugged, obviously not about to risk Hokuto’s wrath. “I don’t think she wants to see me.”
“Don’t be stupid. Of course she does.”
“So she can lecture me.”
Subaru thought about that for a minute. “I miss Hokuto,” he finally said. “Right now, I think I would rather hear one of her lectures more than any sound in the world.”
“Except one,” Kakyou corrected.
Subaru glanced at him.
“Seishirou speaking certain words?” Kakyou said.
Subaru blushed a little. “Hai, except for that.”
“Well, I’ll come out so I can see Hokuto one of these days,” Kakyou said.
“When you’re done moping?” Subaru asked.
“Yes.”
****
Seishirou took the hospital steps two and three at a time, certain that Subaru would have woken. He was carrying a bag of takeout food in one hand and had a bag of Subaru’s clothes in the other. He was somewhat disconcerted when, upon entering the room, he found that Subaru’s eyes were closed and his breathing deep and steady. The IV replacing his blood had been replaced by a different IV.
He put down the two bags and went out to the nurse’s station. “He’s still asleep.”
The nurse looked at him nervously. “Yes.”
“Did he wake up at all today?”
“No.”
“Why not?” Seishirou was starting to sound displeased.
“We still don’t know. The doctor’s ordered some tests.”
“To check for what?” Seishirou tried not to sound nervous.
“Unforseen injuries . . .” The nurse backed away a step from Seishirou’s glare. “He could have hit his head when he fell . . .”
“He fell on top of me. He was shoving me out of the way. There’s no way he could have hit his head. Why isn’t he awake?”
“We don’t know, sir,” the nurse repeated, backing away another step.
“I suggest you find out,” Seishirou snapped, and turned to walk back into Subaru’s room. He pulled the chair over and took out the food, then looked at it in distaste and let his head thud against the edge of Subaru’s bed. “Why aren’t you awake?” he muttered into the sheets. “Why did you have to take that stupid bullet for me anyway?”
Subaru continued staring at the insides of his eyelids.
“This is stupid,” Seishirou muttered. He left the bags on the chair and left the room. I can’t just sit there until he wakes up, he tried to console himself. I’m acting like a lovesick teenager. I’m going to go home and go to bed.
He did so, and stared at the ceiling for most of the night.
****
The phone rang about six times before it woke Seishirou out of the exhausted sleep he’d finally fallen into. He reached over and grabbed it, muttering half-heartedly, “Sakurazuka desu.”
“Ohayo,” a very accented voice said. “Is Subaru there?”
Seishirou shook himself awake, recognizing the voice. “No, he isn’t. Is this Johnny?”
“Yeah.”
“If you want to talk to Subaru, you’re kind of out of luck. He’s in the hospital.”
“Excuse me?”
“There was an attack by an assassin. Subaru was hurt. He’s in the hospital.”
“How badly hurt? What happened?”
“He was shot. In the shoulder. He lost a lot of blood, but he’s okay other than that. Except for the fact that he hasn’t woken up yet and they’re not sure why. There was a note for you in his pocket, but I didn’t have your number so I couldn’t let you know.”
“What hospital, what room?”
Seishirou told him.
“I’ll probably see you there,” Johnny said, and hung up. He grabbed his jacket and left his apartment. He went straight up to Subaru’s room. Subaru looked very pale and rather pitiful. Johnny looked through the drawers until he found Subaru’s note to him.
“Dear Johnny, I know you’re probably mad at me for doing this. But I think this might convince Seishirou-san that he loves me. Don’t worry, I haven’t woken up yet by my own choosing. I’ll probably be out a few days, to make Seishirou-san worry. Please don’t be angry.”
Johnny tossed the note into the trash. “You little jerk! You God damned little bastard! How could you do something so fucking stupid? You could’ve gotten killed! And for that slimy two-faced son of a bitch that killed your sister!” He was so mad that his hands were shaking. “What the hell were you thinking?”
At this point Seishirou appeared in the doorway. Seeing that Johnny was busy yelling, he waited for him to finish.
“You’d better get back here and talk to me, you little fucker! How could you be so stupid? Getting yourself shot for him, what the hell is that? Do you think this is going to make that bastard realize suddenly that he’s in love with you, just because that’s what happened to you? The man has no heart, you fuckhead!” He flopped into a chair. “This is why I don’t make friends, you little - oh, hi, Sei-san.” He looked over at the older man, completely unabashed by the fact that Seishirou had heard everything he’d said.
“So I have no heart?” Seishirou asked, walking in.
“Not that I can see or you would have admitted that you loved Subaru weeks ago. Then he wouldn’t have had to do this. If he dies, it’ll be your fault - and not because he took that stupid bullet for you. And I’ll come after you.”
Seishirou blinked at him. “Subaru planned this, to make me fall in love with him?”
“Oh, look who’s a genius today,” Johnny snapped.
Seishirou walked over to Subaru and looked down at him. “I didn’t mean for him to get hurt.”
“And that just makes it all better.”
Seishirou turned to Johnny and took his sunglasses off, looking the younger man in the eye. “Perhaps for Subaru it will.”
“Well, if you’d just pulled your head out of your ass two weeks ago, we wouldn’t be having this problem!”
Seishirou glared at him. “I don’t need to defend myself to you. My reasons are none of your business.”
“Excuse me?” Johnny was looking truly furious. “You kill one of the few friends I have, then come close to killing her brother and one of my other few friends, who is madly in love with you for some unfathomable reason, and you’re madly in love back but just too chickenshit to admit it, and now Hokuto’s dead and Subaru almost got killed! And you’re telling me it’s none of my business and you don’t have to defend yourself?”
For the first time in his life, Seishirou was struck speechless.
“God, you are so pathetic.” Johnny folded his arms across his chest and dropped back into the chair. “Go away.”
“The reason I won’t defend myself,” Seishirou said in a very low voice, “is because I can’t. It’s because you’re right. And there’s nothing I can say to you.”
Johnny lifted his hands in the air. “It’s a miracle!”
Seishirou shot him a look that bordered on being dirty.
“Aren’t you saying this to the wrong person?” Johnny asked.
“Yes. But Subaru’s not paying attention right now. And I figured if I didn’t say it to you, you might wring my neck.”
“A very astute assumption. But how do I know you’re telling the truth?”
Seishirou shrugged. “As long as Subaru believes me, I don’t care what you think.”
Johnny peeled one of his gloves off, reached out and grabbed Seishirou’s wrist. Seishirou let him take it, and stay that way for a long second with his eyes closed before he let go.
“Do you believe me?”
“Yes. And Subaru may be paying attention, you know.”
“Good point. In that case, do you mind leaving, now that you’ve yelled at him? I’d like to spend a little time with him.”
“Sure.” Johnny stood and turned to Subaru. “I’ll be back later, you little jerk.” And he turned and walked out of the room.
Seishirou thudded into a chair. “Subaru-kun, if you’re listening, it’s time to wake up.”
No such luck.
If you wake up, I’ll admit I love you, Seishirou’s inner voice piped up.
Seishirou squashed it back down. Bribery is hardly fair.
Like you care about what’s fair, it responded.
Seishirou took a deep breath and said something he thought he would never say. “Please?”
Still nothing.
“That’s not fair, I said please,” Seishirou said, completely disgusting himself with how pathetic he sounded. “You got what you wanted; you’re supposed to wake up now.”
Still not working.
“Subaru-kun . . .” Seishirou tried taking the younger man’s hand. He couldn’t think of anything to say, at least, not anything that he was willing to say out loud to an unconscious person.
He gave up and started to pace around the room. It was stuffy, so he cracked open one of the windows. He looked outside and saw a clock on the building facing the hospital. It was almost noon.
I’m late for work, he realized. Oh, forget it, I’m so late that I’m not even going to go. I guess I should call.
He sighed and slumped back into the chair, where he promptly fell asleep.
****
Author’s Note: Um . . . I can’t think of anything, I just wanted to put one of these in. I just got my fingernails cut and I can’t type anymore. ::cries::