Stave Nine
“All I feel is hollow and bruised
Used up and misused
Forced to be someone
I don’t want to be.”
-- Darkest Days
Sorata was going to lecture Kamui; he even had his speech planned out, but something about the ache in Kamui’s eyes stopped him before he could get the first word out. He gave Kamui a long look, then drew him into a very close hug. “Hey, don’t worry me like that, okay?” he asked softly.
After a minute, Kamui nodded. Sorata let him go and tousled his hair. “After all, who’s gonna help me win Miss’s heart if you take off on me?” he asked, and Kamui rewarded him for his efforts with a rare and precious smile. Then Sorata turned to Keichii, who was standing, somewhat awkwardly, in the doorway. “C’mon in, any friend of Kamui’s is a friend of ours. You’ll stay for dinner, right? Course you will . . .”
Keichii allowed himself to be drawn in. Kamui gave him a somewhat rueful smile. “Sorata’s like that,” was all he said. “Sorata, if you’re done attempting to be authoritative, I’m going to my room. I’ve got a bit of a headache and I’d like to lie down some before dinner.”
With that, he vanished up the stairs.
Sorata’s joking mood was gone in an instant. “He okay?”
“No,” Keichii said flatly. “But before you ask, I don’t know what happened.” He related the entire story to Sorata, where he’d found Kamui and Kamui’s reactions. Sorata listened with a thoughtful expression on his face, but said nothing. Arashi came in behind him near the beginning of the story and listened.
“I don’t know, I’m as clueless as you,” Sorata said mournfully when Keichii was finished.
Arashi rolled her eyes.
“You have an idea?” Sorata asked her.
“Men,” was all Arashi said.
“So you do have an idea.” Sorata wasn’t about to let this go.
“Yes,” Arashi said. “But if I’m right, it’s something Kamui will have to work through on his own. I don’t think any of us can help him.” Her eyes were dark with sorrow for a minute. “I wish Subaru-san was still here.”
“Don’t we all, Miss.” Sorata rubbed his forehead.
Arashi gave him a sympathetic look, then realized that she was being - gasp! - affectionate, and quickly removed herself from the situation. “I’m going to go start dinner.”
Sorata watched her retreating back, then turned to Keichii. “You’re good for him, you know. He talks about you all the time.”
Keichii couldn’t suppress a blush. “He does?”
“Aa,” Sorata said. “I’m glad he’s made a friend. He certainly needs all the friends he can get.”
“He’s been hurt a lot, hasn’t he,” Keichii said thoughtfully.
“Yeah,” Sorata said. “I think more than any of us know. And definitely more than any of us can understand. That’s why he cared for Subaru-san so much. Because he was the only one who could ever really understand.” He closed his eyes for a minute. “It hit Kamui hard when he died - but I think it hit the rest of us just as hard, because we all want to help Kamui so badly, and Kamui lost the only person he could talk to.” He smiled at Keichii. “I hope he learns to talk to you.”
“I hope so too,” Keichii said softly.
^^^^
Kamui flopped onto his bed with the book and leafed through the pages until he found one entitled ‘soul-binding.’ It was, he noted with dismay, a good page and a half long. “Hokuto-san?” he asked the empty air.
“Just Hokuto, there’s no need to be as polite as my brother,” Hokuto said, popping into existence next to him. “Hm, it’s long. That’s kind of a problem.”
“Why?” Kamui asked curiously.
“Because Kakyou needs to memorize it.”
Kamui blinked and repeated himself.
“Because once he goes into the Tree, Subaru will have to soul-bind to him, so when I pull Kakyou out, Subaru will come too. And I have no idea whether or not Subaru knows the spell or not. Oh well, ‘Kyou-chan always did have a good memory. Hold onto the book, he’ll pull us all in.”
Kamui grasped the book tightly and closed his eyes, trying to prepare himself for the blurring of reality. It almost worked; he felt unsteady for a second, then he was in a Dreamscape.
Kakyou looked down at the spell and raised an eyebrow. “You. Want me. To memorize that.”
“’Kyou-chan, it doesn’t do us any good if Subaru can’t perform the spell back,” Hokuto said plaintively.
Kakyou sighed. “It’s going to take longer than the hour Kamui has before dinner.”
“Well, I have time to perform it to you, in any case.”
Kamui watched in interest, but the soul-binding was really nothing special. It consisted of a lot of chanting, then, at the end, Hokuto kissing Kakyou’s forehead. “All done!” she cheered. “Feel that?” she asked, giving Kakyou’s soul a little tug.
“Very much so,” Kakyou replied with a smile.
“Great!” Hokuto said. “Kamui-chan, you go eat some dinner, then come back upstairs and we’ll pull you in again so Kakyou can see the book. I wish I could just bring it, but . . . damn being incorporeal, anyway. Once he has it memorized, you can, erm, kill him . . .”
Kamui flinched. “I don’t like that part, not at all.”
“Gomen, Kamui-chan,” Hokuto said quietly. “But it’s for Subaru, and anyway Kakyou would rather be dead. Ne, ‘Kyou-chan?”
“Of course,” Kakyou said, the unspoken ‘because then I’d be with you’ hanging in the air.
“Go get yourself some dinner, then,” Hokuto said, ruffling his hair. The world blurred, and when he blinked, they were both gone.
^^^^
“Should’ve gone into the bedroom before falling asleep,” Subaru mumbled into the couch cushions, and Seishirou gave a groaning noise that indicated assent. The two of them really didn’t fit on the sofa, at least, not for long periods of time. Subaru contemplated getting up to make some breakfast from their inexhaustible supplies, but he was trapped beneath Seishirou and actually quite comfortable, except for the crick in his neck and the fact that his back felt ready to break in half.
Nagging hunger eventually got him to squirm his way out from underneath Seishirou and into the kitchen. Seishirou mumbled something, then rolled over and fell back to sleep.
Just like a man, Subaru thought, an affectionate smile hovering on his lips. Breakfast was made quickly and the smell of it roused Seishirou. “I thought I’d bring you breakfast in bed,” Subaru said, perching on the edge of the couch with two plates of food in one hand and two precariously stacked cups of tea in the other. “But we didn’t sleep in the bed. So I figured this was as close as we could come.”
“Thank you all the same,” Seishirou said. He waited until Subaru had put the food down, then pounced on him, pinning him to the sofa. “But I’m not hungry for food quite yet.”
“You may not be,” Subaru said in an amused but firm tone, “but I am. Now let me up.”
Seishirou reluctantly did so, and let him eat in peace, poking at his own food. When he was done, and had taken the dishes to the kitchen, he lay back down on the sofa in Seishirou’s arms, looking dreamy. “This may sound weird, since this is my apartment,” he said, “but I’m homesick.”
Seishirou was silent, knowing that there was nothing he could say to that.
“I miss my sister,” Subaru said. “That must sound even stranger. I always expected I would see her when I died. Now I know I’ll never see her again.” He paused. “That hurts.”
Seishirou’s arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly.
“Did you hope to see your father?” Subaru asked quietly.
“No,” Seishirou answered, just as quietly. “He’s here, too, you know.”
“Oh,” Subaru said. “Yes, I suppose I should have realized that. Is your mother?”
“No,” Seishirou said. “I freed her, as I freed Hokuto-chan.”
“Thank you for that,” Subaru said.
Seishirou ran a hand through his hair. “You’re welcome. It seems small compensation, but . . .”
“But if you hadn’t, she wouldn’t have given us those silly Christmas visions, and we would be . . . who knows where we would be.”
Seishirou smiled. “Exactly.”
^^^^
Kamui fell asleep in the Dreamscape, which surprised Kakyou because he hadn’t known that was technically even possible. He continued to study the book in Kamui’s limp hands, and Hokuto quizzed him mercilessly until they were both sure he had it memorized.
“Better wait until tomorrow,” Hokuto said. “Kamui’s worn out.”
“Hm,” Kakyou agreed, and let Kamui free of the Dreamscape. He and the book disappeared, but Hokuto remained, wrapping her arms around him.
“I’m sorry I took so long to come to you,” she finally said.
Kakyou flinched as he recalled the eight years after her death, drifting in the coma. It wasn’t until Fuuma came that Hokuto had reappeared; she had never explained her absence and he had never asked.
“I thought . . . at first . . . that I should just let you go, that I should let you get on with your life and learn to get by without me.” Hokuto sat across from him, Indian-style. “It took me a while to realize that you weren’t going to do that. And by then . . . your defenses were built up so high that I couldn’t get in. God knows I tried.”
Kakyou nodded, realizing what had happened. No one had been able to get in unless he specifically invited them, and Hokuto, incorporeal as she was, had simply never triggered his senses. It wasn’t until Fuuma had torn down his walls, rather than asking permission, that she’d been able to get through to him. “I’m sorry,” he said.
“It’s okay.” She hugged him again. “You’re sure about this, right?”
He nodded again. “I’ve been gathering my strength. It’s not much, but it ought to be enough to walk downstairs and get a taxi to Ueno Park. Kamui certainly can’t kill me in a Dreamscape.”
“I’m hoping he can manage to kill you at all,” Hokuto said. “As odd as that sounds.”
Kakyou nodded. “He’ll manage. It’s for Subaru, after all.”
“Well!” Hokuto got up and started to bounce around. “Tomorrow we’ll be together, so it’ll all be good! Let me know when you’re ready to come out. I’ll give you two hours inside the Tree before pulling you out without notice; that ought to be enough. Don’t forget that spell!”
“I won’t,” Kakyou said with a smile.
“Pinky swear?” Hokuto asked, holding her hand out.
Kakyou shook his head with another smile and hooked pinkys with her.
^^^^
“Seishirou-san?” Subaru snuggled closer to the older man, revelling in the way he fit perfectly against Seishirou.
“Hm?” Seishirou replied, obviously half-asleep.
“I can’t sleep.”
Seishirou half-sat, propping himself up on his elbows. “Want some tea?”
“Yes, but I don’t want to get out of bed, and I don’t want you to, either.”
Seishirou smirked, lying down again. “I’d have thought you’d be worn out from earlier.”
Subaru elbowed him half-heartedly. “Jerk.”
“Well, why can’t you sleep?”
“I don’t know,” Subaru said.
“Kamui again?”
“No . . . yes . . . sort of.” Subaru shook his head, frustrated. “He’s very . . . tense. I don’t know why I can feel him this strongly . . .” He glanced over at Seishirou. “But you do, don’t you.”
“Um . . .” Seishirou tried to look noncommittal.
“Seishirou-san . . .” Subaru tried to sound threatening. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Seishirou realized that there was no way to get around this. “You can feel him through your connection with the Tree.” He saw from the look on Subaru’s face that this explanation was not going to suffice. “And his.”
“His?”
“His connection to the Tree.”
“Seishirou, have you ever given anyone a straight answer in your life?”
“It goes against my nature,” Seishirou said, wisely not commenting on the fact that Subaru had finally dropped the honorific.
“Seishirou . . .”
Seishirou sighed. “When I died, the title of Sakurazukamori got passed onto you. When you died, it went up into the air and landed on the closest person with magical ability, which must have been Kamui.”
Subaru’s face went white. “Oh dear,” he said faintly.
“It may be a good thing,” Seishirou said. “I’m sure he and Hokuto are plotting on how to get us out of here.”
“But how are we going to . . . to fix this?” Subaru asked. “I don’t think you can just . . . give up the title, can you?”
Seishirou shook his head. “Trust me on that one.”
Subaru cradled his head in his hands. “Poor Kamui . . . this could explain why he’s been so . . . out of sorts . . . lately.”
“He’ll be okay,” Seishirou said.
“I think I’ll have some tea after all,” Subaru said, climbing out of bed.
Seishirou stayed where he was, guessing that this was Subaru’s way of requesting privacy.
He was wrong. Subaru took a few steps towards the door, then turned and extended a hand. “You coming?”
“Of course,” Seishirou said hurriedly.
^^^^
“It isn’t hard, I swear,” Hokuto said, sounding rather pathetic. “Just remember to think of sending him to Subaru.” Kakyou and Kamui were sitting at the base of the Tree; she was floating around in midair. Kamui had used what little of the magic he knew to create an illusion, so no one would see them. He was now staring mournfully at Kakyou.
Kakyou wisely said nothing.
“I - can’t - ” Kamui whispered.
Hokuto flitted down to sit at Kamui’s side. “Kamui, it’s the only way.”
“But . . . what if . . . once I start killing, I can’t stop?” Kamui asked desperately. “What if letting the Tree get in control once means that I won’t be able to fight it off anymore? It’s so hard to do this, Hokuto, I don’t think I can anymore . . .”
“Kamui, please,” Hokuto said. “I . . . I don’t know what’s in that Tree, but we shouldn’t wait any longer to go get them . . .”
“But I . . . I can’t . . .”
Kakyou moved forward then, cupping Kamui’s face in his hands. “Kamui,” he said softly, “it’s going to be all right.”
Kamui stared at him for a long minute, as if searching for some answer in his eyes. Then he sagged forward, against Kakyou’s shoulder. “Okay,” he whispered. “I can do this. I . . . can find some way to do this . . .” He rubbed the tears off his cheeks.
He reached out tentatively to the Tree, not sure of what he was doing. The Tree seized on the finger of thought he extended to it, and held fast.
::I AM HUNGRY::
Kamui recoiled from it and pulled away from Kakyou, gasping. He opened his mouth to say he couldn’t, but forestalled himself and forced himself to think of Subaru. You can save him, he told himself firmly. You’re the only one who can save him, so pull yourself together and do it!
He reached for the Tree again, and again it clutched at him.
Its voice was softer now, as if it sensed that it had frightened Kamui by shouting. Soft and insidious, little voices whispering that it was only one person, one who wanted to die anyway, and what did one person matter?
Kamui didn’t believe it -
but he surrendered to it all the same.
Hokuto glanced around as an unearthly wind rose in the park, whipping sakura around. Kakyou still sat calmly, legs folded, waiting.
And Kamui opened his eyes.
Hokuto looked away from what she saw in them; the cold, heartless murderer that only the Sakurazukamori could be. He reached out to Kakyou, who didn’t even move -
and magic crackled at his fingertips -
For a minute, time seemed to stop, and Hokuto stared at the scene, remembering when it had been her and Seishirou there, with his hand through her chest the way Kamui’s was now through Kakyou’s -
Then time resumed, and Kakyou dropped limply over Kamui’s shoulder.
The Tree, satisfied, fell silent, and its influence faded away. Only Kamui was left.
Slowly - very slowly, as if he were in a dream - Kamui pushed Kakyou away from him and lay him on the ground. He was staring at his bloodstained hand as if it didn’t even belong to him. Then, even more slowly, he dipped his hands into the bowl of water Hokuto had instructed him to bring, cleaning the blood off.
Hokuto waited, saying nothing.
When Kamui’s hands were clean, he stood, backing away from the Tree one slow step at a time.
“Kamui - ” Hokuto said hastily.
He turned to look at her, but she wasn’t sure he would hear anything she said.
All the same, it was better to try. “I’ll see you tonight, okay?”
Kamui nodded, twice, then turned and ran.
^^^^
Fuuma watched him go from the shelter of a nearby, innocent, sakura tree.
Interesting little twist, this was.
He didn’t know how Kamui had ended up the Sakurazukamori, nor did he care. It gave Kamui an edge, a power source that Fuuma could not use.
That was unacceptable.
He would simply have to do something about it.
^^^^
Keichii’s life had subsided back into disappointing normality. He was eating a sandwich and doing his chemistry as he did almost every afternoon. He hadn’t even heard from Kamui since dropping him home, and he had kind of hoped the other boy would call him.
He looked up, puzzled, as there was a knock on his door.
^^^^
Seishirou and Subaru had decided to spend the afternoon watching movies; they had nothing better to do and after a near sleepless night, it seemed like anything else might exhaust them. Subaru had sat in the kitchen drinking tea and ranting about how unfair the universe was until damn near dawn, then Seishirou had set out in an effort to make him ‘forget’ about his troubles. Or at least ignore them for a while. Needless to say, it had been a while before they’d gotten to sleep.
They both looked up, startled, as there was a knock on the door.
^^^^
Part Ten
TB/X Fics