Puckski wandered into the clearing. “Where the hell am I supposed to find some Athenian jerk in these stupid woods?” he complained loudly. He stopped when he saw Hermiaka and Tamasander sleeping. “Aha! An Athenian gentleman! And there is the maid, lying far off.” He knelt next to Tamasander and produced the enchanted flower. He squeezed it, letting the drops fall on the sleeping man’s eyes. “When thou wak’st, let love keep thee from sleep.” He scurried away back to his queen.
Two new people walked into the clearing.
“Stay, though thou kill me sweet Subetrius!” Yulena cried, trying to keep up with him.
“I charge thee hence and do not haunt me thus!” he shouted, not slowing down.
“O wilt thou leave me in the darkness? Do not so!” she pleaded.
“Stay here or risk peril with me. I’ll go on alone.” He stormed out of the clearing.
(I’M VERY PROUD OF YOU, SUBOSHI. YOU GOT THROUGH A SCENE WITHOUT ASKING YUI TO MARRY YOU.)
Yulena fell to the ground, panting. “O, I am out of breath in this foolish chase. The more I follow him, the lesser is my reward. Happy is Hermiaka, wheresoever she lies, for she hath beautiful and attractive eyes. How came her eyes so bright? Not with salt tears -- if so, my eyes are more often washed than hers. No, no, I am as ugly as a bear.”
“I can’t let this go on!” Subetrius shouted from offstage. The other actors held him back before he could incur the Author’s wrath.
(SIGH . . . )
Yulena looked around the clearing. “But who is here? Tamasander, on the ground? Dead, or asleep? I see no blood, no wound.” She went to his side and shook his shoulder. “Tamasander, if you live, good sir, awake.”
Tamasander’s eyes opened and glazed over at the sight before him. “And run through fire I will for thy sweet sake! Radiant Yulena, nature shows magic skill that through thy bosom I can see thy heart! Where is Subetrius? O, how fit a word is that vile name to perish on my sword?” He sat up.
Yulena gasped and sat there for a minute. Then she leaned forward and kissed him fully on the mouth.
(UMMM . . . WAIT A MINUTE HERE. YUI, I DON’T SEE THAT IN THE SCRIPT.)
There was no response from either of the two actors.
(DON’T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE.)
Still no answer.
(OKAY, YOU ASKED FOR IT.)
The Author appeared on the stage. Everyone gasped in fear, except Hermiaka who was still asleep. Yulena and Tamasander finally stopped kissing.
“B-But, but, I had to get one kiss in before you pair me up with Suboshi!” Yulena cried.
The Author was unsympathetic. “There’s nothing wrong with Suboshi.”
(Kouri: Yeah, if you would just return his undying devotion to you.)
“Oh God, are there two of you?” Tamasander asked fearfully.
“No, she was just commenting,” the Author answered. “I’m the only one with control of the keyboard.”
Everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief.
She turned to Tamasander and Yulena. “If you two don’t start behaving, I can always drastically alter the plot to make your lives miserable.”
“You’ve already got Suboshi after me!” Yulena pointed out.
The Author whacked her over the head with a mallet. “That’s enough Subetrius bashing from you. I am the only one who will bash in this story. Now do things right, or get in trouble.” The Author vanished.
Yulena and Tamasander looked at each other. Hermiaka had slept through the whole thing.
(ANYWAY . . . YULENA, IT’S YOUR LINE.)
Yulena sighed heavily. “Do not say so, Tamasander; say not so. You love Hermiaka, and she loves you. Therefore, be content.”
“Content with Hermiaka?! No, I do repent those tedious minutes I with her have spent. Not Hermiaka, but Yulena I love. Who would not change a raven for a dove? My reason tells me you are the worthier maid,” he replied.
Yulena stood up indignantly. “What did I do to deserve this mockery? Why at your hands do I deserve this scorn? Is it not enough, young man, that I did never -- no, nor never can -- deserve a sweet look from Subetrius’s eye, but you must flaunt my insufficiency?! Truly, you do me wrong! Fare you well. I must confess I thought you a lord of more true gentleness.” She turned to leave. “O, that a lady of one man refused should by another there be abused!” She ran back into the forest.
Tamasander stood up quickly to follow, glancing back at Hermiaka. “She sees not Hermiaka. Hermiaka, sleep thou there, and never mayst thou come Tamasander near.”
The entire cast (except Hermiaka, of course) burst into applause.
Tamasander blinked.
“You’ve needed to get rid of her for a while, Obake-chan!” Puckski shouted from off stage.
(YES, YES. I’M A GENIUS. LET’S CONTINUE.)
Tamasander, still looking slightly confused, finished his lines. “All my powers, my love and might, will honor Yulena and be her knight.” He ran into the forest after his new love.
There was silence.
And more silence.
Yet more silence.
Silence prevailed throughout the forest.
(HERMIAKA!!!!!!! WAKE UP, DAMN IT!!!!!)
Hermiaka lazily opened one eye. “Huh? What?”
(*taps foot impatiently*)
Hermiaka’s eyes lit up. “Oh yeah! My lines!” She closed her eyes for a moment, then waved her arms about over dramatically. “Help me, Tamasander, help me! Do thy best to pluck this crawling serpent from my breast!” She opened her eyes and sat up. “Oh, ‘twas only a dream. I thought a serpent ate my heart away, and my love sat smiling at its cruelty. Tamasander, look how I do quake with fear!” she said, holding a trembling hand out to her love. The clearing was empty. “TAMAHOMEEEEE!!!!!”
(*sighs* I SUPPOSE THAT'LL HAVE TO DO.)
~~~
The players met for a rehearsal.
“Are we all met?” Tomo asked.
The others nodded, wishing they were anywhere except where they were.
“Peter Kouji?”
“What is it, Tomo?” Kouji growled.
“There are things in this play of Pyramus and Thisbe that will never please. First, Pyramus must draw a sword to kill himself, which the ladies cannot abide. What shall we do about that?”
Kouji rolled his eyes. I wish Pyramus would kill himself, he thought.
“I believe we must leave the killing out,” Tomo continued. “Oh wait! I’ve got an idea! Write me a prologue, and let the prologue say that we shall do no harm with our swords. Explain that Pyramus is not indeed killed, but for more assurance, tell them I, Pyramus, am not Pyramus, but Nick Tomo the weaver. This will put them at ease.”
“Sure, sure, we’ll have such a prologue,” Kouji agreed, hoping to shut him up.
“Will not the ladies be afeard of the lion?” Keisuke asked.
“I fear it, I promise you,” Tetsuya muttered.
“There should be another prologue that tells that he is not the lion no da,” Chichiri suggested.
“Yes!” Tomo exclaimed. “He must say his name and half his face should be seen behind the mask. And he must speak courteously and explain that he is not a lion, but Tom Keisuke!”
“Whatever,” Kouji said, trying to move things along. “We’ll have two prologues. Now let’s get this rehearsal over with.”
Puckski, returning from his errand, stopped as he saw the players. He hid himself behind a tree. “What idiots are these wandering around so near the cradle of the Fairy King? Rehearsing a play?” Puckski snorted. “I’ll be the audience. Or maybe even an actor . . .”
Tomo and Francis Flute took their places to rehearse the scene.
“Pyramus, you begin,” Kouji coached.
Tomo struck and pose and spoke dramatically. “Thisbe, the flowers of odious --”
“Odors!” Kouji shouted, throwing a rock at his head.
Tomo rubbed his head and continued. “Odors savors sweet,” he continued. “So hath thy breath, my dearest Thisbe dear. But hark, a voice. Stay thou but here a while, and by and by I will to thee appear.”
“A stranger Pyramus than I’ve ever scene,” Puckski muttered as Tomo went off stage. His eyes suddenly lit up with inspiration. He approached Tomo from behind.
Flute looked disgusted. “I must speak now?”
Kouji nodded sympathetically.
Flute began spitting out his lines as fast as he could. “Most radiant Pyramus, most lily-white of hue, of color like the red rose on a triumphant brier. Most bristly juvenile, and eke most lovely Jew, as true as truest horse that yet would never tire. I’ll meet thee Pyramus at Ninny’s tomb --”
“Ninnus’s tomb, man!” Kouji shouted. “Don’t say that yet! That’s your answer to Pyramus! You spoke your part all at once, cues and all. Pyramus, get back over here. Your cue is passed. It’s ‘never tire.’”
“Oh,” Flute said, not really caring. He tried again. “As true as truest horse that yet would never tire.”
Tomo returned to the stage, but his head had been replaced with that of an ass.
(NOT MUCH A DIFFERENCE, IF YOU ASK ME. YES, I KNOW HE’S BISHONEN WITHOUT THE MAKEUP. BUT WITH IT, HE’S JUST A FREAK!)
“If I were fair, Thisbe, I were only thine,” Tomo said, continuing his lines.
The players all backed away from the monster.
“Why are you all running away?” Tomo asked confusedly.
“Tomo, thou art changed!” Keisuke asked, pointing at his new head and backing away further.
“You’re transformed!” Kouji shouted over his shoulder as the players fled.
Puckski sneaked away quietly, snickering.
“I see their knavery,” Tomo said. “This is to make an ass of me, to annoy me if they can. But I won’t move from this place! I will walk up and down here and sing! That way, they won’t be afraid of me!” He began to stomp around, singing painfully.
The entire cast groaned, wishing he would stop.
Hoteron stirred, waking up at the sound. “What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?”
Tomo continued singing loudly.
Hoteron slowly approached him, his eyes shiny. “I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again. My ear is enamored of thy notes, and my eye is enthralled to thy figure. I swear, I love thee at first sight!”
Tomo blinked. “Methinks you have little reason to say that. But then again, truth, reason, and love don’t always go together.”
“Thou are as wise as thou art beautiful -- though not as beautiful as me!” Hoteron gushed. “Do not leave this wood. You will remain here with me, whether you want to or not. I do love you. Come with me. I will give you fairies to attend on you.”
Several fairies appeared in bubbles around Tomo and popped out. “READY!”
“Be kind and courteous to this gentleman,” Hoteron instructed. “Bring him away with us.”
The fairies bustled around Tomo and the entourage went deeper into the forest.
(I’M SORRY HOTOHORI-SAMA!!!)
~~~
To be continued . . .