Chapter 10 - Try
“Kevin, what are you doing?” Kristin asked as she watched her husband packing a suitcase. “Where are you going?”
Kevin looked over his shoulder. “I tried to call you, but I couldn’t get a hold of you.”
“My cell phone was off.”
“Oh. Well . . . the guys and I have decided to move in together for a while.”
“What?!” Kristin cried.
Kevin kept packing as he was talking. “We’re gonna live at Nick’s place for a bit. We’re just all having a lot of trouble dealing with this, so we’re thinking that moving in together might help. We’re the only ones that really understand each other. We give each other strength.”
“Is Nick out of the hospital yet?” Kristin asked, trying to keep her voice calm.
“Yeah,” Kevin answered. “He’s been out for a couple days. He’s doing fine.”
“So, you’re just gonna leave all your families behind?”
Kevin paused. “We’re not trying to shut anyone out. We just need each other, that’s all. I’ll call you everyday, you know that. We know this isn’t going to be easy on anyone . . . but it’s what we need right now.”
Kristin nodded, dabbing at a tear before it smeared her mascara. “I’ll help you pack . . . if it’s what you need, then . . .” She trailed off, sighing.
~~~
“You know, I think our families think we’re nuts for doing this,” Howie said as he hefted his suitcase into Nick’s house.
“Well, we are nuts for doing this,” AJ replied, carrying his own luggage. “But if this is what we need to do, it’s what we need to do.” He looked around at the security and FBI personnel standing around the gate of the house. “Geez, I don’t think we’ve got enough security.”
“You really want something else to happen to us?” Kevin snapped, setting his stuff down in the doorway.
“Not . . . really,” Howie replied, giving AJ a puzzled look. When did Kevin get so edgy? he wondered.
“You guys need any help?” Nick asked, munching on an apple.
“Nah, we got it,” AJ answered. “Sure you got enough room for all of us?”
Nick just rolled his eyes.
“Leighanne! No I just -- damn it, will you listen to me for a minute?!” Brian shouted into his cell phone, pacing the length of the kitchen. “This is just something we have to do. Please trust me on this. I know it’s hard on all of you, but this is what we need right now. We need each other . . . no, that’s not what I meant! Quit putting words in my mouth! But -- no! Leighanne, you’re not helping anything! I . . . fine. Fine, I’ll call you later.” He hung up the phone and slammed it onto the counter. He looked over at the others. “I hope you all enjoyed the entertainment.” He stormed out of the back door to the yard.
Kevin shrugged off the incident and proceeded to bring his things upstairs.
“This is not going to be easy,” Howie observed.
“No shit,” Nick replied.
~~~
Dinner was remarkably quiet. The five separated afterwards, giving each other plenty of space. Nick played PlayStation, Howie watched a movie, Kevin attempted to read a book, AJ played with Nick’s puppies, and Brian sat outside, gazing moodily at the stars.
Kevin put down his book, glanced at AJ and the puppies, then stood and stared intently out the window. “You think there’s a way anyone could get past security?”
“No,” AJ answered simply. “Don’t worry about it. We’re safe.”
“It never feels that way anymore,” Kevin said, sitting back down.
“Just keep tellin’ that to yourself,” AJ suggested. The situation didn’t seem complicated to him.
“That’s what the shrink says to do, but it’s really not working,” Kevin sighed.
“Then ask the shrink for new advice,” AJ told him. “Or get a new shrink.”
“You think everything’s so simple, don’t you?” Kevin said.
“It is that simple,” AJ replied. “You’re just tryn’ to make it hard. It’s not.”
“I’m not trying to make it hard!” Kevin cried. “It’s just the way I feel! I can’t help it if it’s hard to fall asleep at night because you dread someone’s gonna break in and kill you!”
AJ stood up to face him. “Kevin. We got attacked because we alone. No security, no nothing. Here, we have people watching our every move and not letting anyone in. Nothing’s going to happen. Worrying about it won’t change that! Quit bein’ paranoid!”
“I’M NOT PARANOID!”
The entire house went quiet.
“Whatever, man,” AJ said. He bent down and picked up one of the puppies, holding it in front of Kevin’s face. “Here. Have a puppy. They solve all the world’s problems.”
Kevin stared at AJ for a minute, then took the puppy out of his hands. The puppy affectionately licked Kevin’s face.
AJ smiled, watching them.
The puppy continued licking, eagerly lapping up Kevin’s salty tears as they fell.
AJ picked up the other puppy and hugged Kevin. The two puppies looked at each other confusedly as the two humans cried quietly.
~~~
Nick woke up as Brian in the next room started screaming. He hurriedly wiped his tears on the sheet as he bolted out of his room and threw open the guest room door.
“Brian! What’s wrong?” Nick cried.
Brian sat up, breathing heavily. He looked around, confused by his surroundings.
Nick approached him slowly and sat on the edge of the bed. “You all right?”
Brian looked up. “Huh? Uh -- I mean, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”
“No you’re not.”
“Not really,” Brian agreed, checking to see if he was bleeding. He looked up at his friend in the dim light. “But neither are you.”
“You guys okay?” Howie asked, standing in the doorway.
“No,” they answered in unison.
“Good. Neither am I,” he said cheerfully, joining them on the bed. “You know, hearing you yell like that reminded me of what it was like back in that house. It was like they were torturing you again.”
“Sorry,” Brian said, looking away.
“Hey, it’s not like he did it on purpose,” Nick said, putting an arm around Brian. “Don’t worry about it, you couldn’t help it.”
Kevin and AJ came running into the room. “Are you guys okay?” Kevin gasped out.
“We’re fine,” Howie answered.
Kevin sagged against the wall, taking deep breaths.
“Are you all right?” Brian asked.
“He was freakin’ out ‘cause he thought you were in trouble,” AJ explained, rubbing Kevin’s shoulder. “He thought someone broke into the house or something.”
“I’m sorry, guys,” Brian apologized, starting to cry. “I didn’t mean to --”
“Brian, it’s not your fault,” Nick said emphatically. “It’s not like any of us could sleep anyway.”
“You heard him all the way in the basement, Kev?” Howie asked.
Kevin nodded, trying to control his breathing.
“Look, let’s all go downstairs, get something to drink, and calm down,” AJ suggested. “And Brian, no one’s mad at you. Don’t worry about it.”
The five descended the stairs, leaving the lights off. AJ made some hot cocoa for everyone. They sat around the fireplace, sprawled out on the floor and couch.
“So, who here was actually asleep before Brian startled everyone?” Nick asked.
“Not me,” Kevin answered.
“Me neither,” AJ added.
“Not really,” Howie said.
“What about you?” Brian asked Nick quietly.
“Nope,” the blond replied.
“See?” AJ said, smiling. “It doesn’t matter that you had a nightmare, B-Rok. No one was asleep anyway.”
Brian just nodded, sipping his cocoa.
“Okay, so the reason we moved in together is because we felt like we couldn’t talk to anyone else about happened, right?” Nick said.
The other four nodded.
“Then maybe we should try talking about it,” he finished timidly.
“I just couldn’t sit there and explain to my wife how they strapped me down and worked me over,” Kevin said softly. “I just . . . don’t want her to know. I don’t want the memory to hurt her like it hurts me.”
“Exactly,” Brian whispered, choking back his tears. “I don’t want Leighanne to have nightmares like I do. We fight so much over it but . . . it’s only because I want to protect her.”
Nick leaned over and hugged him comfortingly.
“It’s the same with parents,” Howie added. “I mean, if we can’t comprehend what those bastards did to us, how can we explain it to anyone else?”
“We never got to confront them, ask them why they did this to us,” Kevin continued. “And . . . it just leaves us with nothing. No resolution. No end.”
“And they got away with it,” Nick whispered, still holding Brian.
“Yeah,” AJ agreed. “It’s the ultimate torture. No revenge. No explanation.”
They were quiet for a while, just taking comfort in each other.
“Guys?” Nick whispered. “Brian’s asleep again.”
The other three looked over.
Kevin stood up and handed Nick a blanket.
Nick looked to see if there was any way he could untangle himself without waking Brian. After a minute, he gave up and covered himself and Brian with the blanket, letting his head drop against the couch.
Kevin sat down on the floor, his back against the couch, shivering. AJ hopped onto the couch and sat behind him, massaging his shoulders. “It’s okay, Kev, just relax. We’re safe. Just trust me.”
Howie looked at the other four and presumed they would all be asleep soon. He grabbed another blanket and curled up in the arm chair.