Chapter 11 - United We Fall
“You know, that’s the first night of real sleep I’ve had in a long time,” AJ said, frying up an omelet the next morning.
“Me too,” Nick said, slicing cheese for the next omelet. “I guess this was a good idea, to move in together for a while. It’s helping already.”
“We don’t have to hide anything from each other,” AJ added, nodding.
“Ow! Damn it!” Nick cried, dropping the knife.
“What?”
“I cut myself,” Nick replied, holding out his bleeding finger.
AJ dropped the spatula, his face draining of all color.
“It’s not deep,” Nick assured him, running it under the faucet. “Don’t look so freaked out. I’m fine.”
AJ ran out of the kitchen.
The other three looked up from the table.
“What’s wrong with him?” Kevin asked.
“I dunno,” Nick said, getting a bandaid. “I cut myself and he freaked out.”
Brian stood up and followed AJ down the basement.
“AJ?” Brian called, looking around.
AJ was pacing back and forward across the room, mumbling to himself. He had something in his hand, but he was moving so quickly Brian couldn’t tell what it was.
“Bone, what’s wrong?” Brian tried again.
The other three followed slowly walked down the stairs, keeping their distance.
Brian stepped forward and grabbed AJ by his shoulders, stopping him in his path. “AJ, what the hell is going on?”
“Oh fuck, he’s got a knife,” Nick observed from the stairs.
Brian looked down and saw a butterfly knife clutched in AJ’s right hand. He reached out to take it, but AJ jerked away.
“Don’t!” AJ cried.
“AJ, you don’t need that,” Brian explained calmly. “Give it to me.”
“No!” AJ tried to pull out of his grip, but Brian shoved him against the wall instead. He had no intention of letting his friend loose with a weapon.
“AJ, just calm down and give me the knife,” Brian said, keeping his voice even. “You’re freaking us out.” He gasped as blood slowly dripped down AJ’s left arm. A new narrow cut down his upper arm had opened several of his healing scabs. “Alex. Give. Me. The. Knife.”
“I need it, I need it,” AJ mumbled, looking at the floor.
“Why?”
“Because they wouldn’t do it . . . so I had to . . . I had to make things even . . .”
“AJ, slow down. What are you talking about?”
“They wouldn’t hurt me,” AJ managed to say coherently.
“Right,” Brian said, understanding. “I remember that.”
“They wouldn’t hurt me . . . so they gave me a knife . . . s-so . . . I did it.”
Brian’s jaw nearly hit the floor. “AJ. Are you telling me . . . you hurt yourself? All those cuts . . .” He looked at all the cuts all over AJ’s arms and shoulders. It couldn’t be . . .
AJ nodded.
Howie ran out of the basement.
Nick, Kevin, and Brian stood there, staring at AJ.
Tears trickled down AJ’s face as he stumbled over his words to explain. “They wouldn’t do it . . . and I could hear you guys screaming . . . it wasn’t fair! They just wouldn’t touch me! I had to do it, I had to make things even . . . I just wanted to suffer like you guys did, it was the only way it was fair . . .” Brian released AJ’s shoulders as he slid to the floor, sobbing.
“Shhh,” Brian soothed, kneeling beside him and rubbing his shoulder. “It’s all right. Just give me the knife, AJ. You don’t have to hurt yourself.”
AJ let the knife drop from his hand.
Brian hugged him tightly. “Shh, it’s all right, Alex, it’s all right. It’s over now. They’re not hurting us anymore. You don’t have to hurt yourself now.”
“I’m gonna get something for the bleeding,” Nick said, still bewildered by the revelation.
Kevin went down the stairs and joined Brian trying to calm AJ down.
Nick ran to the bathroom and grabbed the First Aid kit. As an afterthought, he called, “Howie? You all right?” He received no answer. Great, Nick thought. One more thing we didn’t need. “Howie, where are you?”
“I’m just fine,” Howie said, appearing from nowhere and stomping back down into the basement.
Nick ran after him.
Kevin looked up confusedly as Howie marched down the stairs, straight over to AJ.
Brian pulled away from AJ and looked up at Howie standing over them.
“What’s wrong?” Kevin asked.
In response, Howie bent down and hauled AJ to his feet by the front of his shirt. “THAT was your solution?!” he shouted into AJ’s face. “You couldn’t take the emotional pain, so you decided to make things even by hurting yourself?! You COWARD! Maybe I got tortured, but my torture didn’t have any lasting effects! I had to sit there in the hospital and watch the four of you get better while I was out in a couple days! But did I go out and try to hurt myself because of it? NO! And I could have! Maybe I should!”
Kevin and Brian tried to pull Howie and AJ apart.
“Howie, leave him alone!” Brian shouted. “He was scared! He was alone! You at least had your family around to help you! The situations are entirely different.”
“Let go of him -- you’re not helping anything!” Kevin cried, trying to pull Howie back.
AJ was nearing hysterics. “I didn’t know what else to do! They told me it was right . . .”
“They were assholes,” Kevin told him. “They were messing with your mind. They messed with all of us. For God’s sake, they’re still messing with us!” Nick helped Kevin pulled Howie off of AJ. “Look at us! We’re fighting each other! How can you let that happen?! How can you let them do this to us?!”
Brian tried to support AJ as he slid to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.
“Is that what you wanted?!” Kevin barked at Howie. “You wanted to make him feel worse for what he’s done? It was tough enough for him to admit it, but you had to make it even harder.”
“Kev, cut it out!” Brian shouted at him. “Now you’re doing it! Howie made a mistake, but you’re only making it worse.”
Kevin stopped short.
Howie pulled loose of him and Nick, breaking into tears himself.
“We can’t fight each other,” Nick begged. “We just can’t. You guys are the only ones who understand --” He broke off as he choked back his own tears.
Kevin hugged him, pulling Howie in at the same time.
Howie let him. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “I’m so sorry . . .”
“So am I,” Kevin told him. “We’re only gonna get through this if we stick together. We have to stay together.”
“I think that’s easier said that done,” Howie whispered.
“You want to lash out at someone, anyone,” Nick said. “You don’t care who. You want to make it hurt less . . . at any cost . . .”
“Shhh,” Kevin soothed. “The pain will fade, eventually.”
"Yeah," Nick said. "But what if we kill each other first?"
"We won't let that happen," Brian said confidently.