A/N: I hope the split scene works okay ... this is what happens when the author gets bored and doesn't feel like writing 3 separate scenes. But it's splintered! Just like the chapter title! Look! I'm being symbolic! Okay, shutting up now ...
Chapter 13 - Splintered
“Hey, what day is it?” Brian asked as he came down into the kitchen in his PJs.
Kevin looked up. “Thursday. Losing track of the days already?”
Brian half-smiled. “That usually happens when people are on vacation.”
Kevin sighed, going back to the French toast he was making. “Doesn’t feel much like a vacation. Every day one or more of us ends up flipping out.”
“Yeah, but we’re healing,” Brian said, taking the orange juice out of the fridge. “Anyway, since it’s Thursday, Robin will be calling today.”
“Oh yeah,” Kevin said, remembering. “Man, would she be surprised if she’d seen what happened in the past couple days.”
“Yeah, she’d probably yell at us for trying to give each other therapy,” Brian agreed, getting himself a glass and pouring the juice. “But if we’re starting to feel better, then we can’t be doing too much wrong.”
Kevin sighed again. “I hate to break it to ya, cus, but I don’t think all of us are feeling better. You and AJ are doing well. Howie and I are okay and Nick’s . . .”
“Not okay,” Brian finished grimly, sitting down at the table. “I wish there was something else I could do to help him . . .”
“Leave it to Robin, B-Rok,” Kevin said over his shoulder. “She’s the professional.”
Brian nodded. “Leave it to the shrink.”
~~~
“Hey,” Brian said softly, going into Nick’s room. “You all right?”
“Yeah,” Nick answered, hunched over his desk. “I’m just drawing.”
Brian leaned over and turned on his desk lamp. “You were practically drawing in the dark. Can I see?”
“Not yet,” Nick said, closing his sketchpad. “You can see it when it’s done, okay?”
“All right,” Brian said, backing off a little. “Anyway, Robin’s on the phone and it’s your turn to talk to her. The rest of us already have. I don’t know how she handles all five of us in one night.”
Nick looked out the window. “I don’t wanna talk to her tonight. Not after what we did last night. That was all the therapy and memories I can take for now.”
“Nicky, you don’t even have to talk to her about that tonight. Just tell her how you’re feeling, okay?”
Nick sighed heavily.
Brian picked up the phone and handed it to him. “You need this, Nicky.”
“All right,” Nick consented. He took the phone from Brian’s hand and hit the talk button. “Hello? Hey, Robin . . . I’m . . . I’m doing . . . okay, I guess . . .”
Brian slowly left the room to give him some privacy.
~~~
“You all right?” Brian asked Nick as the blond stumbled sleepily into the kitchen the next morning. “It’s almost noon.”
“Yeah,” Nick answered, getting himself a bowl of cereal. “Dunno why I slept so long.”
Brian loaded the dishwasher thoughtfully. “I didn’t think you got to sleep until the early hours of the morning.”
Nick didn’t look up. “How would you know that?”
Brian shrugged. “None of us sleep that soundly anymore, least of all me. When I woke up at about three, I could hear you moving around.”
“Couldn’t sleep,” Nick told him. “I worked on my drawing some more.”
Brian nodded. “AJ and Howie are outside playin’ basketball. Kevin’s swimming out back.”
Nick sat down with his breakfast.
“Welcome back to the land of the living,” Kevin said, coming in through the sliding glass door.
“Leave ‘im alone,” Brian said, half-heartedly since he knew his cousin was only kidding. “He just had a rough night.”
“There’s another kind?” Kevin said, drying his long hair.
“Who’s winning the basketball game? Could you see or hear?” Nick asked.
“No,” Kevin answered. “But it sounded like half the time they were arguing.”
The words had just left the oldest BSB’s mouth when AJ came storming in through the front door, dropped the basketball and retreated loudly to the basement, slamming the door after himself.
“That’s just not a good sign,” Nick remarked.
“We’re all a little tense still,” Brian said. “Just let ‘em both blow off some steam. They’ll feel better later.”
“We hope,” Kevin said, leaving to get dressed.
~~~
Dinner was quieter than usual. AJ and Howie weren’t speaking, and Brian kept stealing nervous glances at Nick. Kevin tried to keep a conversation going with . . . himself. The others contributed occasionally.
Maybe moving in wasn’t a good idea after all, Kevin thought miserably. We understand each other. But we’re all so burdened with our own problems that we can’t take on anyone else’s. God, please grant us patience with each other . . . and grant our families patience with us.
Brian offered to do the dishes when everyone was done. Nick wordlessly helped him.
“You didn’t eat much,” Brian said casually.
“I wasn’t hungry,” Nick replied.
~~~
Kevin sat down on the couch to curl up with a book. A friend had told him Good Omens would make him laugh. He hoped she was right. He was about a quarter through it. Normally, parts of it would have had him rolling on the floor; but in the quiet house, he usually managed only a weak smile.
He sighed and began the next chapter.
~~~
AJ looked up as Howie retreated quickly to his room upstairs. After a moment of hesitation, AJ soundlessly followed him. He stood outside Howie’s door, listening carefully.
He heard the sound of a wooden drawer opening and a metallic object being removed. As soon as he heard the familiar jingling, he threw the door open.
~~~
“You haven’t been eating much lately,” Brian continued. “Did you mention that to Robin?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Didn’t feel like it.”
“You’re not gonna start starving yourself again, are you?” Brian finally asked directly, stopping to face him.
Nick nearly dropped the glass he was holding. “No. I’m not.”
“Good.” Brian went back to loading the dishwasher.
“You don’t believe me, do you.” It wasn’t a question.
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
~~~
Kevin winced at the sound of thumping footsteps up the stairs and rising voices in the kitchen. Wish I had a bomb shelter, he thought. When the phone rang, he realized no one else would answer it and picked it up.
“Hello?”
There was the sound of heavy breathing from the other end of the line.
The hairs on the back of Kevin’s neck stood on end; he wasn’t sure why. “Hello? Is anyone there?”
“We’re coming to get you,” a raspy voice told him.
~~~
“Would you mind knocking?!” Howie cried as AJ burst into the room.
“Yes, I would,” AJ said simply and reached out to grab the butterfly knife out of Howie’s hand.
Howie yanked it away. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”
“That’s mine,” AJ said. “You stole it, and now you’re gonna try and use it.”
“No way, man! This is mine!”
“I know the sound of my own knife,” AJ told him. “The hinge is loose and the whole thing jingles a bit when you open it. It’s mine. Give it to me.”
Howie glared at him. “No.”
“Then at least tell me what you want it for.”
~~~
“I’m just worried about you, that’s all,” Brian said, leaning on the counter. “Is that a crime? You scared me to death last time.”
“That’s no excuse!” Nick shouted, slamming the dishwasher shut.
“Excuse for what?!”
“Mothering me like you do! It’s like you think I’m gonna break!” Nick yelled at him. “You’re always worried about how much I eat or sleep. I don’t need a second mother, Brian! I can take care of myself!”
“Yeah, you were great at it last time! You nearly killed yourself!”
“But I’m not going to now!”
“How can I know that?!”
“You could try believing me!”
~~~
The shouting voices in the kitchen didn’t register in Kevin’s mind. He just sat on the couch, paralyzed with fear.
“We know where you are,” the voice told him. “And we can get past the guards. We’re going to catch you and torture you all over again . . .”
“No,” Kevin whispered.
“Oh, yes . . .”
~~~
“I . . . I . . .” Howie stammered.
“You were going to hurt yourself. Like I did.” AJ tried to grab the knife again, but Howie snatched it away.
“No! I wasn’t!”
“Then give it back.”
“I won’t hurt myself!”
“You wanna be a coward like me, huh?”
“What?”
“That’s what you called me. A coward. Because I couldn’t deal with the pain. You’re stronger than that.”
“No I’m not!” Howie shouted, holding the knife out in front of him. “I’m not strong! I was wrong to call you a coward because . . .” He broke down in tears. “Because I can’t take it either. It’s just not fair . . . I got off too easily . . . and making it hurt on the outside helps the pain inside . . .”
“Don’t, Howie. It’s not worth it, trust me. It only makes things worse in the end.” He reached out gently to take the knife.
When Howie pulled it away, he sliced AJ’s hand open. “Shit!”
“Give it to me,” AJ said, seemingly oblivious to the large amount of blood dripping onto the carpet.
“AJ, I’m sorry!”
“Just give it to me.”
“I . . . I can’t!!”
“Yes you can.”
~~~
“Nick, it’s not that I don’t trust you . . .”
“Yes it is!” Nick shouted back. “You don’t trust me because I screwed up once! Now you watch over me, waiting for me to make another mistake!”
“That’s not what I was doing . . .”
“I’m not eating enough, not sleeping enough, not taking the therapy well . . . I can’t do anything right for you! I’m trying to deal with this the best way I know how, Brian, but you won’t let me!”
Brian took a step towards him. “I was just worried about you, I only wanted to help --”
Nick shoved him back, hard. “JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”
~~~
Tears ran down Kevin’s face as he listened helplessly to the voice on the phone.
“Maybe this time we’ll even --” The voice broke off coughing.
Kevin started screaming.
The other four Boys immediately sprinted to him.
“Kevin, what the hell’s going on?!” AJ cried.
Nick grabbed the phone out of Kevin’s hand. “Who the hell is this?!”
The raspy voice started to answer, then broke off coughing and transformed into a normal, male teenage voice. “Oh, man! That was great! I wish I could see your faces! He totally believed I was the kidnapper!”
“FUCK YOU!” Nick screamed into the phone, slamming it down. “It was a fucking prank call!”
“They’re coming back, they’re coming back,” Kevin was mumbling, shivering violently.
“A prank call?” Howie asked. “What’d they say?”
“They were pretending to be the kidnappers,” Nick answered, his face dark red. He was nearly shaking with anger.
Brian looked at Nick, then knelt next to his cousin and held him. “Kev, it’s okay. It was just a prank. They’re not really coming. We’re safe.”
“AJ, why the hell are you bleeding?” Nick asked, trying to calm down.
Everyone looked at AJ.
“Fuck, not again, not again,” Kevin cried, pushing Brian away. He got unsteadily to his feet. “We’ve gotta get out of here, they’re coming!”
Howie grabbed Kevin by his shoulders and gently pushed him back down into the arm chair. “Kevin, it was just a prank call, calm down.”
“AJ, get outta here,” Brian murmured.
“What?” AJ asked.
“The blood. It’s freaking him out,” Brian answered.
“Oh,” AJ acknowledged, embarrassed. He went to the bathroom to wrap his hand.
“No! Lemme go!” Kevin attempted to get up again, but both Brian and Howie held him down.
“Kevin. Listen to me,” Brian said firmly. “It was just a prank call, some stupid teenagers. We’re safe here. No one can get to us. Just calm down.”
“NO! It’s happening again!”
“Kev, just calm down,” Howie soothed.
“Don’t hit me, please don’t . . .” Kevin begged, his eyes glazed.
“It’s over, Kev, you’re not there anymore,” Nick said from behind him.
Brian started to cry as he watched his hysterical cousin. “We’ve gotta do something. He won’t snap out of it!”
Kevin’s struggles were becoming increasingly more violent. “LEAVE ME ALONE!”
Nick closed his eyes and rested his hands on Kevin’s shoulders. Think, Nick THINK, he told himself. There’s gotta be some way to calm him down . . . Right! But what should I . . .
A childhood memory suddenly came back to him crystal clear; he started to sing before he even realized quite what he was doing. “Dream by night, wish by day -- love begins this way. Loving starts when open hearts touch and stay.”
Brian and Howie looked up at him quizzically.
Kevin quieted slightly.
“Sleep for now,” Nick continued to sing, leaning down next to Kevin’s ear. “Dreaming’s how lovers lives are planned. Future songs and flying dreams wait for you. Love it seems made flying dreams so hearts could soar. Heaven sent, these wings were meant to prove once more that love is the key. Love is the key.”
Brian and Howie released Kevin as he calmed and seemed to recognize them. All four of them cried as Nick went on. Brian hummed a very quiet harmony to the lullaby.
“You and I touch the sky: the eagle and the dove. Nightingales, we keep our sails filled with love. Ever strong, our future song to sing it must be free. Every part is from the heart and love is still the key. And love it seems made flyin’ dreams to bring you home to me.”
Howie looked uncertainly at Kevin.
Kevin very slowly stood up, turned around and hugged Nick fiercely. “Thanks for bringin’ me home.”
Brian breathed a sigh of relief, wiping his tears on his sleeve.
“I’m sorry,” Kevin sobbed, breaking down. “I don’t know what happened . . . I just heard that stupid kid and it felt like I was back there . . . I thought it was happening all over again . . .”
Brian went over and hugged his cousin. “It’s all right, cus. We understand. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
Howie and AJ -- coming out of the kitchen where he’d been waiting -- also joined the group hug.
“I just started singin’ the most soothing thing I could think of,” Nick managed to say. “That song always calmed me down when I was a kid.”
“It worked,” Kevin agreed, managing to crack a small smile.
“You sure you’re all right?” Brian asked.
Kevin just nodded. “I just lost it for a sec. I’m okay.”
“I guess I should get caller ID,” Nick said as the five of them pulled apart. “Sorry about that --”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Kevin and AJ said in unison.
Nick just nodded.
“So, AJ why were you bleeding?” Brian asked.
“I accidentally cut him,” Howie admitted, looking at the floor.
“What? Why?” Nick asked.
Howie began to cry softly again. “I took his knife. I was gonna hurt myself, like he did. I just felt like I hadn’t been hurt enough.”
Brian hugged him. “Why the hell would you think that? We’ve all been through hell, okay? Not one more than the other. And we’re all going to get better.”
“Do you need to have that looked at?” Nick asked AJ.
AJ shook his head. “Nah. It’s not that deep. The bleeding’s already slowing. But I . . . a lot of blood got on your carpet.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Nick told him.
Howie pulled away from Brian, drying his eyes.
“C’mon,” AJ said, taking him by the arm. “I think we need to talk.” The two of them headed to the basement.
Nick avoided looking at Brian.
“I think we need to talk, too,” Brian said softly.
“We shouldn’t leave Kevin alone,” Nick pointed out.
“I’m okay,” Kevin said. “I’m just gonna go take a bath and calm down. I’ll be fine. You two talk. That’s how we get into fights in the first place: we don’t talk to each other.”
He left the two of them alone.