Chapter 14 - Final Choice
Kevin came back downstairs after finishing his bath to get something to drink. Brian was in the living room, watching TV.
“Where’s Nick?” Kevin asked.
“In his room, I think,” Brian answered. He sounded disappointed.
Kevin paused before going into the kitchen. “Did you two talk?”
“I tried,” Brian replied. “He apologized for yelling at me. But I still couldn’t really get him to talk about what’s bugging him.” He sighed. “I’m so worried about him.”
“I think we all are,” Kevin said gently. “Hopefully, he’ll tell us when he’s ready.”
Brian flicked the TV off. “I’m gonna go check on him.”
“You sure he won’t think you’re bugging him?” Kevin asked.
“I can’t help it,” Brian answered, shivering. “I’ve just got a feeling something’s not right. I just . . . I dunno. I just feel it.” He looked at his cousin. “You feel anything?”
Kevin shook his head. “Have you been getting enough sleep, cus?”
“Not really,” Brian admitted. “It’s hard when you wake up every hour.”
Kevin nodded in understanding. “Well, let me know if you need any help, okay?”
“I will.” Brian wearily climbed the stairs up to the bedrooms. He knocked softly on Nick’s door. “Nicky?” He waited.
No response.
He knocked again. “Nicky, are you all right?” He waited another minute, then opened the door. Nick was sound asleep on top of his covers. His sketchpad lay closed next to him, a pencil still in his hand. Brian smiled slightly.
He took the pencil out of his friend’s hand and set it on the desk. As he picked up the sketchpad, he was tempted to look at the drawing. Then he decided against it. It was Nick’s private work.
Brian gently worked to pull the covers back and carefully tuck Nick under them. Nick stirred and opened his sapphire eyes sleepily.
“Brian . . .?”
“Shh, just go to sleep, Frack,” Brian said, smoothing the covers over him. “You fell asleep while drawing.”
“Oh,” Nick said, looking around dazedly. “What time is it?”
Brian pushed the blond hair out of his eyes. “It’s late,” he lied. “Go to sleep, kid. You need it.”
Nick nodded and obediently closed his eyes.
Brian smiled and got off the bed.
“Frick?” Nick asked softly, his eyes still closed.
“Yeah?”
“Stay with me,” he requested. “Stay until I’m asleep.”
“All right,” Brian consented quietly. He sat back down on the bed and hummed “Amazing Grazing” very softly.
Nick was asleep in under a minute, but Brian stayed and watched him anyway.
A couple minutes later, Nick frowned and started to toss slightly. “Don’t . . .” he murmured.
“Shhh,” Brian soothed, hoping to ward off the nightmare. “It’s not real, Nicky. It’s all right. I’m here.”
“N-No . . . leave me alone . . .”
“Shhh, Nicky, it’s okay . . .”
Nick quieted, turning onto the side closer to Brian.
Brian reached over and rubbed his back soothingly. Nick unconsciously moved closer until his head was almost in Brian’s lap.
Brian smiled down at him, tears streaking down his face. I wish he’d tell me what’s haunting him, he thought. He bent down and lightly kissed Nick’s forehead. I wish he’d let me help him.
~~~
When Brian awoke the next morning, he discovered he had inadvertently fallen asleep in Nick’s room. He looked around, but the blonde had already left. He rubbed his eyes sleepily and made his way downstairs.
“Morning,” AJ said, playing a video game with Howie. “Sleep okay?”
“Yeah,” Brian said, stretching. “I slept through the night for once. No nightmares.”
“That’s great,” Kevin called from the kitchen.
Brian smiled and joined his cousin in the kitchen. He frowned, looking around. “Where’s Nick?”
“Still asleep, I assume,” Kevin said. He looked up to see that his cousin’s face had gone completely white. “What’s wrong?”
“I fell asleep in his room last night. I thought he was already up. He’s not there.” Brian ran out of the kitchen and checked the basement.
“What’s going on?” Howie asked confusedly.
“I think Nick’s missing,” Kevin explained, running upstairs to look for the youngest BSB.
AJ dropped his controller and ran outside to check for his car. “SHIT!” He ran back inside. “Guys, his car is gone,” he said as the four regrouped in the living room.
Kevin grabbed the phone and called security. “Yeah, did anyone see Nick leave this morning? He . . . yeah. At seven in the morning? Didn’t anyone think that was weird? Why didn’t anyone ask him where he was going?! Oh, you did . . . he said what?! He should be back by now . . . well, why the hell didn’t you send someone with him?! He . . . why the hell didn’t you tell us?! Fine . . . fine, call us when you hear something.” Kevin set the phone down.
“Well?” Howie asked.
“He left at about seven this morning,” Kevin explained, sitting down. “The guards asked him where he was going. He told them he was just going to the store to pick up something and he’d be back in a minute. But he never came back. They’ve been looking for him since about eight.”
“It’s nearly ten-thirty! Why the hell didn’t they tell us something was going on?!” AJ cried.
“They didn’t want to panic us,” Kevin answered.
“We’ve gotta go look for him!” Brian cried, heading for the door.
Kevin grabbed his arm, stopping him. “It’s better if we stay here. They’ve got a lot of people out there looking for him. If he’s in any kind of trouble, the rest of us need to stay here or else they might get all of us again.”
AJ reached out and caught Brian before he hit the floor. “B-Rok!”
“This can’t be happening . . .” Brian gasped, his face the color of ash. “It can’t be . . . he was right here last night . . .”
AJ hugged him. “He’ll be all right. They’ll find him. Howie, get him something to drink before he faints.”
Howie nodded and ran to the kitchen, glad to be doing something useful.
Kevin sat down on the couch and began to pray for Nick’s safety.
~~~
AJ tried to concentrate on the TV, but couldn’t really manage it. He looked over at Kevin, who was trying to take a nap on the couch. AJ could tell by the tension in his body that he wasn’t asleep.
He turned off the TV and went upstairs to check on Howie and Brian. They were in Brian’s room. Howie was trying to keep him calm.
“Brian, just lie down and get some rest,” Howie coaxed. “We’ll wake you up as soon as we hear anything.”
Brian shook his head, getting up and pacing distractedly.
“I’ll stay with him,” AJ offered. “You go get something to eat.”
Howie nodded and left them alone.
“I’m gonna kill those bastards,” Brian was muttering. “If they lay even one hand on him . . .”
“B-Rok, just sit down and chill. Driving yourself nuts is not going to bring him back any sooner.” AJ sat down on the bed. “C’mon, sit down.”
“How can I just sit still when they could be dragging him back to fuckin’ Canada right now?!” Brian exploded.
“We’ll get him back, Brian,” AJ said confidently. “They’ve got a lot of people looking for him. They know what they’re doing.”
“No they don’t! They let him out this morning without anyone protecting him! Anything could’ve happened!”
“B-Rok, just calm down. He’ll be all right.”
“What time is it?”
AJ sighed and looked at his watch. “Eight.”
“Eight. He’s been missing for over twelve hours. Great.”
“Okay. If you want to try and help, think of where he might have gone. We don’t know that he was kidnapped. He might be hiding somewhere. Where would he go?”
“I already told them to check the beach, but they said he’s not there,” Brian answered. “They also checked the malls and arcades. They found the convenience store he went to. The clerk could only tell them that he’d bought a six pack of beer and then left.” Brian listed off the facts from memory.
“What’s he been thinking about lately?”
“I don’t know!” Brian shouted. “He’s been keeping to himself! He wouldn’t even let me see his --” He stopped, his eyes lighting up.
“His what?” AJ asked.
“His drawing!” Brian cried, running to Nick’s room. He pulled the sketchpad out from the drawer he’d set it in carefully the night before. He flipped through various sketches. AJ joined him, peering over his shoulder.
Brian stopped on the last picture and stared at it.
“Oh shit,” AJ whispered.
It was a drawing of a tall building and someone jumping off the roof.
Brian dropped the pad; he and AJ sprinted down the stairs. As they reached the bottom, the phone rang.
Howie gave the two of them a strange look and picked up the phone. “Hello . . . what?! You did?! Where is he?! Is he . . . he’s WHERE?! We’ll be right there.” He hung up the phone and looked at the other three. “Nick’s . . .”
“Trying to kill himself,” AJ and Brian finished in unison.
“We just found his drawing,” AJ explained as they all barreled out the door.
~~~
Brian swallowed hard as they drove up to the abandoned warehouse. Police and ambulances were everywhere. Oh God Nick, why? he thought, trying to hold back his tears. Please, for the love of God, don’t jump . . .
The four climbed out of the car and were greeted by a policeman.
He pointed to three concerned girls, staring at the lone figure on the roof. “Those three fans saw him this morning in the convenience store. They thought he looked out of it, so they’ve been following him all day. They say he was just driving around until half an hour ago when he came here. As soon as they saw where he was going, they called the police. You have pretty smart fans, apparently.”
“We have the best fans in the world,” Howie agreed.
“We’ll thank them once he’s down,” Kevin said, looking up at the young blonde sitting on the roof, his legs dangling over the edge.
“Can we see him?” Brian asked.
“Yeah,” the cop answered, leading them through the crowd to the door of the building. “We’ve got two guys up there tryin’ to talk to him. But he’s not listening. I sincerely hope you have better luck.”
The four BSB climbed the many flights of stairs in silence. Brian was shaking by the time they reached the door to the roof. Two policeman stood there, calling out to Nick. They looked at the Boys and moved to let them through.
“Nick!” Howie called. “We’re here!”
Nick didn’t turn to look at them. “Leave me alone.”
“We can’t do that and you know it,” AJ said.
“Don’t come any closer. I will jump.”
“Nick, let us talk to you. Please. Don’t do this,” Kevin pleaded. “Think about what you’re doing. Think about your family!”
Brian shoved the other three out of his way and marched across the roof.
Nick turned to look at the source of the footsteps. “Stay the hell back.”
Brian stopped halfway across. “Don’t do this, Frack.”
Nick stood up on the edge of the building. It was about a foot and a half wide. “Why not?” He swayed slightly.
“Don’t!” Brian shouted.
“Sorry,” Nick said, his words slurring slightly. “I’m just a little drunk. I might just slip.”
“You don’t really want to do this,” Brian said, slowly walking closer. “You’re just afraid. If you do this, they win, Nicky. This is what they wanted all along. They want you to give up.”
The other three BSB slowly crept up behind Brian.
“You can’t let them win,” Howie added.
“I DON’T CARE!” Nick screamed. “I don’t care what they think! I just don’t wanna hurt anymore!”
“The pain will fade with time, Nick,” Kevin said. “Just give it time.”
“No it won’t,” Nick said, turning away and nearly losing his balance. “I’m not getting better like you guys are.”
“Don’t compare yourself to us,” AJ said, reaching Brian’s side. “Everyone’s different. You have to find your own way and time to heal. We don’t all work the same.”
“I can’t,” Nick sobbed. “I just can’t.”
“Yes, you can,” Brian said, stepping even closer. “They pushed us to the edge, but we’re gonna find our way back. We can do it. They’re not gonna win.”
“No, Brian. No matter what happens, I lose.”
“Yeah, well, if you jump, we all lose,” Brian stated.
Nick looked at him, confused.
“You think we can do this without you?” Brian asked, tears pouring down his face and shimmering in the moonlight. “We’re a team. We’re brothers. If you leave, what’s gonna keep the rest of us going? If you don’t fight with us, we can’t fight either.” He stepped up on the edge of the building, beside Nick. The crowd below started shouting. “If you jump, I may as well just go after you. I’m as good as dead anyway. We can’t do this if we don’t make it together.”
Nick stared at him. “Y-You wouldn’t,” he whispered.
The other three stepped up on the edge, on Nick’s other side.
“You go, we all go,” AJ told him. “Brian’s right. We all make it or we all die. Right here.”
Nick seemed to accept this thoughtfully.
The five of them joined hands.
“It’s pretty tempting, I gotta admit,” Howie said. “Just end it all right here.”
“No more nightmares, no more press, no more counseling sessions,” Kevin added.
“It’s up to you, Nick,” Brian said quietly. “You choose. We all fight together, or we all jump right now.”
Nick looked at the faces of his brothers.
Not one of them had a trace of fear. They were all tempted to end their pain. It was strangely comforting. They weren’t really mad at him; they all understood.
“So, if I choose to fight, we’ll all stick with it . . . to the end?” he asked tentatively.
The others just nodded.
Nick sighed, looking down at the crowd and sirens below. He closed his eyes, imagining what the incredible free fall would feel like.
He swallowed hard, then took a step backwards.
The five stepped back onto the roof together. They stood there for a moment in silence. Then Brian leaned over and hugged Nick tightly.
“You really would’ve jumped,” Nick sobbed softly into his shoulder. “You all would’ve jumped.”
“Yes,” Brian answered. “There’s no point to the fight if we don’t all come out together.”
“I’m sorry,” Nick whispered.
The others joined the hug.
“It’s okay,” AJ told him. “Let’s just move on, okay?”
Nick nodded.
“We all stick with it to the end,” Kevin stated.
“To the end,” the other four replied together. Whenever they talked in unison, the five had a unique voice that no one could replicate.
“C’mon,” Howie said softly after a minute. “We should go.”
The five broke apart and headed for the door. The crowd below cheered.
Brian pulled Nick’s arm over his shoulder and helped him down the stairs. The blonde continued to cry silently.
Brian paused on the stairs for a moment, leaning his head against Nick’s. “I love you, kid. You know that, right?”
Nick just simply nodded. “I love you, too.”