***Chapter 1***
Brian
I looked up from the magazine I was reading as my cell phone rang. I picked it up.
“Hello?”
“Brian? Do you know who Howie’s on the phone with?”
I was puzzled. “Paula?” I asked, wondering why she was calling me about her own son. “No, I don’t know . . . you know he’s always on the phone.” I looked around the Green Room for Howie. I couldn’t see him, but I could hear his voice drifting in softly from the hallway. “Want me to tell him you want to talk to him?”
“Yes, please, Brian. I’ve been trying to get through for hours and all I get is his voicemail,” she explained as I got up and walked to the door. “He normally gets back to me so quickly . . . I’m worried about him. I haven’t heard from him in days.”
I stuck my head out the door and saw Howie, leaning against the wall with his back to me, deep in conversation on his own cell phone.
I tapped him on the shoulder. “Howie?”
He turned around, an impatient look on his Latin features. “What? This is an important call.”
Aren’t they all . . . I thought absently. “Your mom’s on the phone. She’s been trying to get through to you for a while.”
Howie rolled his eyes. “Tell her I’ll call her tonight.” Without another word, he turned his back to me again and went back to his previous conversation.
I blinked. That seemed a little out of character for him. He usually talked to his mom often while he was on tour. Deciding that he must be on the phone with someone pretty important, I politely relayed Howie’s message to his mother.
I clicked my cell phone off and returned to my seat on the plush couch.
“Geez, Howie’s almost been surgically attached to his phone lately,” Kevin observed, sitting down next to me. “Think he’s up to something?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Like what? Drug trafficking? This is Howie we’re talking about.”
I picked up my forgotten magazine and tried to find my place.
~~~
AJ
I knocked on Howie’s hotel room door loudly. “C’mon, Howie, it’s late, and the natives are restless!”
I shifted eagerly from one foot to the other. What’s taking him so long?
I knocked again. “Howie, let’s go! You, me, and Nicky are goin’ out tonight, remember? You’re holdin’ us up!”
I waited impatiently until Howie finally opened the door.
He was wearing an old sweatshirt and jeans. I blinked. “You’re not going like that, are you?”
“I’m not going,” Howie said softly. “I’m just not really in the mood.”
“Uhh . . . oh. Ooookay. You feelin’ all right?” I asked, looking him over.
He smiled broadly. “I’m fine, AJ. Don’t worry about me.”
“O-Okay,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck nervously. Nervous? Why the hell should I be nervous? “You just . . . you looked a little tired. Your eyes are . . . never mind.” I forced a grin. “I’ll see you in the morning, then.”
I turned and went down the hall to collect Nick.
I tried to shake off the vague feeling that something was wrong, but I couldn’t manage it.
Nick opened the door, sporting black vinyl pants and a sleeveless black shirt. “Just let me get my jacket,” he said, heading back into his suite momentarily. “Where’s Howie?” he called from within.
“Not coming,” I called back. “He said he wasn’t in the mood.”
Nick returned, zipping up his winter jacket. “How come?”
I shrugged as Nick closed the door behind him. “He didn’t say.” We started to head to the elevator. “You think he’s been actin’ weird lately?”
Nick looked thoughtful as he hit the button for the elevator. “Maybe a little. He’s been spending a lot of time alone or on the phone.”
“When did this start?” I asked, wracking my brain. The elevator announced its arrival with a sharp ding and we stepped inside.
“I don’t remember,” Nick answered. “I’m sure he’s fine, though. You know Howie; if something’s seriously wrong, he’ll let us know.”
I nodded and tried to convince myself of that fact.
~~~
Kevin
I pulled a pillow over my head, trying to block out the blaring music. But the sound wasn’t muted enough to allow me to sleep. I sighed and removed the pillow.
Okay, that’s it, I decided. I disentangled myself from my warm blankets and headed for the door, grumbling to myself about the awful things I was planning to do to my fellow bandmate.
I propped my door open and knocked loudly on the one next door.
There was no answer.
Howie’s door was also propped open. Good Howie, I thought. Share your cheesy music with the whole hotel.
“Howie!” I shouted over the music. There was still no answer.
I sighed and pushed the door open.
“Howie!” I shouted again, entering the suite. Howie was sitting Indian style on the bed, mumbling something I couldn’t hear.
I went over the stereo and lowered the volume. Howie didn’t respond. He continued mumbling incoherently, his glazed eyes fixed on a point on the ceiling.
“Howie?” I asked uneasily. I waved my hand in front of his face.
He didn’t react. I couldn’t recognize the strange language rolling off his tongue.
I started to get really worried. I grabbed Howie’s shoulders and shook him. “Howie! What’s wrong? Snap out of it!”
Howie blinked, his eyes finally focusing on mine. “Huh?”
“What’s wrong?” I repeated.
I was shocked when he suddenly pushed me back from the bed. “What the hell did you break me out of that for?! I was trying to meditate!”
I blinked. “You were blaring the music and you sounded like you were freakin’ possessed.”
“Never interfere in my meditation again!” Howie barked.
I stared at him. I’d only seen him this mad a few times since I’d known him. “I was just worried. You were mumbling in some foreign language.”
Howie’s brown eyes widened. “I-I was?”
I nodded. “It was pretty weird.”
I nearly fell over as Howie broke into an awed smile. “I did it,” he whispered. “I really did it. I’ve reached the next level!”
“Howie . . . what are you talking about? What’s going on?”
Howie’s face turned serious once again, a look that never suited his gentle features. “It’s none of your concern.”
“It is my concern if I think there’s something wrong with one of my band members!”
“I’m perfectly well,” Howie answered in a voice only faintly resembling his own.
“Well, your music was keeping me and probably half the hotel up.”
His face at last softened. “Oh, sorry about that, Kev. It’s late. I shouldn’t have had it that loud.”
“It’s . . . okay,” I managed, boggled by his sudden personality change. “I guess I’ll go back to bed, then.” I turned to leave, but a nagging in the back of my mind caused me to stop. “You sure you can’t tell me what’s wrong?”
The hard voice answered me, not the familiar gentle one I’d heard a moment ago. “There is nothing wrong. My meditation is none of your business. Please leave.”
I shivered, having never heard his voice quite that cold.
“Goodnight, Howie.”
~~~
“Do you guys think there might be something wrong with Howie?” I asked at breakfast the next morning.
“Other than him being permanently attached to his cell phone, no,” Brian said, spreading cream cheese onto a bagel.
“He’s spending a lot of time alone,” AJ remarked. “He didn’t go out with Nick and I last night.”
“Maybe it’s better that he didn’t,” Nick moaned, rubbing his head. “I have an awful hangover and didn’t sleep nearly enough.”
Brian shot him a combination annoyed/protective look.
“I’m not sure Howie got any more sleep than you two,” I said. “He woke me up around three or four by playing really loud music. When I went to ask him to turn it down, he said he’d been meditating. But he’d been . . . I dunno, talking in tongues or something like that. It was weird.”
The others all stopped what they were doing and looked up at me.
“Talking in tongues?” Brian repeated skeptically. “Sure you weren’t dreaming, cus?”
“I’m sure,” I replied. “He didn’t even notice when I came in. I had to physically shake him to snap him out of it. When I asked him about it, he bit my head off.”
Nick nearly spit out his orange juice. “This is Howie we’re talking about, right?”
I nodded, hoping my concern was getting through to them.
“Does anyone remember when Howie started actin’ weird?” AJ asked.
I thought for a minute. “You know, he acted a little strange when he got lost looking for that church in Jersey,” I said slowly.
“Right,” my cousin agreed. “He couldn’t find the church and he said he ended up at some prayer organization.”
“So, he learned some meditation techniques from them,” Nick said, gulping down his juice. “What’s the big deal?”
“It’s more than that,” AJ said impatiently. “His personality’s changing.”
“Hey, guys,” Howie’s voice said behind me. He sounded tired.
“Geez, man, did you sleep at all last night?” AJ asked worriedly as Howie sat down.
I gasped at the dark circles under Howie’s eyes. He looked awful. Was he meditating all night? I wondered. Should I have stayed with him . . . ?
“Howie, are you all right?” Brian finally asked directly.
Howie smiled brightly. “I’ve never been better, Brian.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I swear I saw AJ shudder.
~~~
***Chapter 2***
Nick
I tried to wipe away the tears before they could run down my face, but they were starting to come too quickly. I pulled my baseball cap as far down as it would go and exited the elevator.
I prayed that I wouldn’t run into any of the other guys as I walked down to my room. As I passed by Howie’s room, the door was slightly ajar and sappy music was drifting out.
If I hadn’t been crying, I would have laughed out loud.
Just as I thought I was safely past the door, I heard his voice. “What’s wrong, Nicky?” the gentle voice came from within.
I stopped and considered my options. Maybe it would be better to talk to someone.
I sighed and pushed the door to his room all the way open. “Can I come in?”
“Of course,” he said warmly, gesturing to the bed. “Sit down.”
I sat down on the neatly made bed and ashamedly dried my face. Howie saw next to me, a little closer than I normally liked.
“What’s wrong?” he asked quietly.
“Everything,” I spat out, trying not to cry again.
“Start from the beginning,” he prodded in a motherly tone.
“I was reading some reviews of us . . .” I paused momentarily, waiting to be chided for actually reading what some critic has to say about us, but Howie didn’t interrupt me. “And even though I’ve been working out, they’re still razzing me about my weight.” I sniffled, trying to control myself. “They just won’t lay off us. They even say we lip-synch at our concerts! I try not to let it bug me, but . . .” I glanced up at his unchanged expression. “It’s just been hard not having Brian around as much to talk to. I mean, I’m just used to talking to him . . . but he’s probably on the phone to Leighanne . . .”
“I know, Nick,” Howie said softly, resting a hand on my shoulder. “I know what it feels like when you think no one understands you. Trust me, I know. But you’re not alone, Nick. No matter how much you might feel that way.” Oddly enough, I thought I heard his breathing speed up as he paused. “There is someone who understands everything, Nicky.”
“Yeah?” I replied skeptically. “And who’s that?”
Howie’s voice took on a tone of awe. “God, Nicky. God understands everything.”
“Why doesn’t he DO anything then?!” I exploded, having been given that response a few too many times.
“Have you asked him?” Howie countered softly.
“What do you mean?” I asked, my emotions swirling. I want things to make sense so badly, I thought randomly. I want there to be an easy answer.
“Prayer, Nicky. I’m talking about prayer.”
Prayer? I thought. Could that help?
I was desperate for any comfort I could get. If Howie thought prayer would help, I’d try it whole-heartedly.
~~~
AJ
“Hey, Nick,” I said as the blonde sat down to breakfast.
“Morning!” he replied brightly.
“Thought I saw you come out of Howie’s room last night,” I mentioned casually.
He nodded, pouring himself a cup of coffee.
“What’d you talk about?” I asked, hoping he’d gotten something out of him.
Nick smiled, almost dreamily. “He just helped me out with some stuff. I really needed it.”
“Did he seem okay to you?” I asked, getting a bad feeling in my stomach.
Nick smiled again. “Believe me, AJ, he’s never been better.”
I shuddered involuntarily. What’s wrong with this picture?
Nick looked up in concern as Brian joined us at the table. “Are you okay?”
Brian looked as if he’d hardly slept.
“I’m all right,” Brian said softly. “Just had some strange dreams last night.”
“Anything you wanna talk about?” Nick asked kindly.
Since when does Nick offer counseling? I wondered.
Brian managed a smile. “Nah, I’m fine, Frack.”
Kevin and Howie joined the table at the same time.
“Hey Nicky,” Howie said brightly. “Feeling better?”
“You bet,” Nick said enthusiastically. It sounded almost rehearsed.
Brian looked at Nick, concerned. “What was wrong last night?”
“He’s fine, Brian,” Howie assured him. “He just needed a little advice.”
“Why doesn’t Nick answer for himself?” I jumped in.
Nick looked genuinely puzzled. “I’m fine, AJ,” he answered calmly. “Is something wrong?”
I looked at the faces surrounding me. Kevin, Nick, and Howie all looked startled. Brian still just looked tired.
“I just feel like something’s goin’ on . . .” I trailed off, having no real evidence.
Howie gave me what was supposed to be a reassuring smile, but it looked hollow to me. “Everything’s fine, AJ. Nick’s fine, and Brian just needs to take a nap.”
“Right,” I said, nodding. I tried to shake off my uneasy feelings, but I couldn’t manage it.
When I looked back up, Brian met my gaze meaningfully. Maybe I’m not the only one who thinks there’s something wrong.
~~~
Brian
All day I tried to find some time to talk to AJ alone. But our day was too busy with rehearsal, an interview, and a meet and greet. When we finally got a little down time backstage before the concert, I went looking for him.
As I opened the door to the green room, I saw Nick huddled on the floor, rocking back and forth.
“Nick!” I cried, kneeling beside him. “What’s wrong?”
“I-I’m fine . . .” he managed. “I just need to talk to Howie.”
“You’re not fine,” I insisted. “And Howie’s gone out to dinner. What’s wrong?”
Nick looked terrified. “But . . . I need help . . .”
“Let me help you, Nick,” I said soothingly.
He looked up at me and said the strangest thing. “Will you pray with me?”
I blinked in confusion, then gathered myself. “Sure, Frack. What brought this on?” I got to my feet and offered him a hand up.
“I’m confused,” he said nervously. “I just need things to make sense again.”
“Okay,” I consented. I sat down on the couch and Nick sat next to me. I rested a hand on his shoulder and closed my eyes.
“Dear Jesus,” I began, “wherever two gather in your name, you are present. We call on you now to be with Nick and guide him through this time. Let him feel your presence in his life. Lead him on the right path.”
Nick seemed to grow a little bit calmer as I spoke, but he was still very tense.
“Feel better?” I ask him after a few minutes.
He nodded, though I could see he was lying. “Think I’m just gonna get a little air before we have to get dressed.”
“All right,” I acknowledged. “I’m here if you need anything,” I reminded him.
He managed a weak smile. “I know. Thanks, Frick.”
I watched him leave the green room and said another prayer.
God, please help Nick with whatever’s wrong with him. Keep him safe.
~~~
Kevin
I looked at the faces of my brothers as we bustled around backstage. It was nearly time to get on with the show. Let’s get started! Turn the lights -- sorry. Tangent.
Force of habit, I guess. I still look after the guys, check up on them.
AJ looked very edgy. I guess he was still weirded out by whatever was bugging him at breakfast. Brian no longer looked tired -- just worried. He kept stealing glances at Nick. Howie and Nick, however, looked relaxed, happy, confident -- almost glowing.
“What’s with you and Nick?” I murmured to Howie as I pulled on my long black coat for the opening number.
Howie grinned back at me. “You really wanna know?” he asked.
I nodded. Seeing his meditation was a little weird, but if it was doing him that much good . . .
“When I was in New Jersey, I joined a group called People for Unity Through Prayer. It’s been really helpful and the organization does many good works all over the world.” He looked up as the music for the opening song began. “I’ll tell you all about it after the show.”
~~~
AJ
I knocked loudly on Brian’s door. I’d been waiting to talk to him all night.
Brian opened the door, dressed in boxers and a t-shirt.
“Oh sorry, Rok,” I said, feeling embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I wasn’t asleep,” he answered. “I wanted to talk to you anyway.” He moved to let me inside. I went in and paced around impatiently. “You start.”
Brian sat down on the unmade bed, trying to straighten his tousled hair. “Something weird is going on with Howie and now Nick.”
I breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Good. It’s not just me.”
“Nick was having some kind of anxiety attack backstage,” Brian recalled. “He asked me to pray with him.”
I removed my sunglasses, looking at Brian in surprise. “Pray?”
“Yeah,” Brian replied. “Not exactly something Nick usually asks for. So, I said sure and prayed with him. He calmed down a little, but not much. Then when we went on stage, he was perfectly fine.”
“He saw Howie in between,” I stated. “I saw Howie talking to him.”
“What the hell is going on?”
I shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. “I don’t know. But something’s not right. Howie looks like a fuckin’ zombie. His eyes are . . . they’re . . . empty.”
Brian shivered. “Yeah.”
There was a short silence.
“I think we should talk to Kevin,” I suggested. “He saw Howie meditating; he’s probably still weirded out, too.”
Brian nodded. “Good idea.”
“You’re not dressed,” I pointed out. “I’ll go get him and bring him back here.”
“All right,” Brian consented.
~~~
Brian
AJ returned a few minutes later, his face angry.
“What happened?” I asked, afraid of the answer.
AJ stayed in front of the door, leaning his back against it. “Nick, Howie, and Kevin were having prayer circle. They invited us to join in.”
I shivered and swore under my breath. “Another one bites the dust.”
“We need to find out what’s going on,” AJ said decisively.
“How?”
AJ smirked. “Good old detective work, dear B-Rok.”
~~~
We sat down in front of AJ’s laptop the next morning.
“Where do we start?” I asked.
“With the name of the organization,” AJ answered. “I managed to get that out of them last night.”
“People for Unity Through Prayer?” I read as AJ typed it into the search engine. “That doesn’t sound like a bad thing . . .”
“Here’s the official website,” AJ said as the results popped up. He paused before clicking on it. “If either of us starts to . . . go for this shit, we’ve gotta slap some sense into the other, okay?”
I looked at him skeptically. How could reading a website cause any harm. “Bone --”
“Brian. Listen,” AJ said, turning to face me. “I think our friends are being manipulated by something. This is serious shit. It’s easy to get caught up.”
I squirmed a little in my seat. I wanted to tell him he was being paranoid . . . but somehow I knew that wasn’t the case. “Okay.”
AJ nodded, turned back to the screen, and started to read. “People for Unity Through Prayer is a group of people from all religions that aims to change the world through prayer. We form local prayer groups all over the world to pray for change and deepen their spiritual lives of our members. We welcome people from all different religions.” AJ paused. “This is total crap. We can’t learn anything from this propaganda.”
“Try another site,” I prodded.
AJ nodded and pulled up another page. “Shit,” he whispered. “I was afraid of this.”
“Destructive and/or mind control cults are often disguised as meditation groups, self-help organizations, management seminars, even Bible study groups. Watch out for the following cover-up groups,” I read out loud.
“Shit,” AJ muttered. “People for Unity Through Prayer is on the list to watch out for.”
“What the hell do they mean by destructive cult?” I asked, getting more and more uneasy.
“I think I saw something about that on the search page,” AJ said, also visibly trying to stay calm. “Here it is: cults that use mind control and/or brainwashing techniques.” He looked over at me. “Let’s figure out what the hell those idiots got themselves into.”
~~~
***Chapter 3***
Howie
I knocked on AJ’s door expectantly. I can’t wait until the five os us can share this as a group, I thought.
“Who is it?” AJ’s voice called out.
“Howie,” I answered back brightly.
There was a short pause, then the door opened to reveal Brian and AJ, looking pale and shaken.
“What’s wrong?” I asked immediately.
Brian blushed slightly, covering his white face. “Oh -- n-nothing. We were just talking.”
I looked between the two of them and rested one hand on either of their shoulders. “Guys, you know I’m here if you need to talk.”
AJ jerked away from me as if he’d been burned.
I sighed and sat down on the bed. “Look. I know you think I’ve been acting a little weird lately. And you’re probably right. But I really want to share with you what’s going on.”
“We know what’s going on,” AJ jumped in. Brian shot him a startled look.
I was puzzled. “What do you mean?” Have they already talked to one of the others? I wondered. This is my appointed task . . .
“We were just doing a little reading about your group,” Brian said nervously gesturing towards the blank computer screen.
I smiled. They’d probably just made my job easier. “Good. Then you already know what our mission is.”
“To united the world through prayer.” AJ recited.
I beamed. “Exactly. And you wouldn’t believe the good it will --”
“We’re not really interested,” AJ cut me off.
I blinked. “What? But you --”
“Sorry, Howie,” Brian said softly, refusing to meet my eyes.
“But I’m sure once you guys learn about our organization --”
“We have learned about it,” AJ said sharply.
I was puzzled. “Then you should be anxious to join . . .”
AJ stood face to face with me. “No, Howie. We didn’t read propaganda. We read about what they’re really doing to you. They’re manipulating you.”
I laughed. “AJ, I chose to join, and they improved my life. If they’re manipulating me, they’re certainly not doing any harm.”
“Howie, we’re serious,” Brian said, finally meeting my gaze. “We’re worried about you and the others.”
I could not comprehend this turn of events. Why didn’t they want to join?
“Howie,” AJ said more calmly, “can you describe to us how you met these people?”
“I . . . I couldn’t find the church I was looking for and ended up at their Gathering Place instead.” My memory drifted back pleasantly to that night. It was like a warm blanket closing over my mind. “They said they’d been waiting for me, that I was very important to them. They brought the Catholics in their organization to talk to me. They explained how Prayer has enhanced and enriched their faith, not taken it over. They said they needed my help and taught me how to listen for God’s true voice . . .” I opened my eyes to gauge their reactions.
My two friends, instead of looking pleased and impressed, looked shocked and even . . . disgusted. Brian was completely white again.
“What?” I asked, my voice suddenly very loud in the silent room. “Why are you looking at me like that? That was the best experience of my life!”
When had I started shouting?
“You just don’t understand!” I continued at the same volume. “You’re not listening!” My heart began to pound. Why were they scaring me so badly? I wanted safety . . . I wanted the control back.
I began praying softly, letting the familiar words return my calm. My tongue slid into another language, and I meditated more deeply --
“Howie! Stop it!” AJ was shaking my shoulders violently.
“Let GO!”
I wrenched away from him, leaving him and Brian still stunned. “You two don’t understand anything! You’re -- you’re -- UNWORTHY!”
I ran.
~~~
Nick
I tried to stop myself from shaking. I’d never seen Howie so scared before. What the hell is going on?
“Calm down,” Kevin told me, pacing back and forth. “The leaders will know what to do.”
Howie had come in fifteen minutes ago. He was mumbling to himself and shivering. He said Brian and AJ were messing everything up. He said he felt shaken and needed to talk to the leaders. I felt more than a little shaken myself; Howie had been my pillar of stability. What could AJ and Brian have said that would scare him so badly?
“Maybe we should find out what they said to him,” Kevin suggested.
“No!” I cried, a little louder than I intended. “No . . . no. If they said something really bad, it could affect us, too. You know we’re not strong enough yet to resist temptation.” I nearly jumped out of my seat as the phone rang.
Kevin leaned over and picked it up. “Hello?” He listened for a minute. “But . . . are you sure about this?” I gulped. Kevin looked more uneasy. Then he suddenly relaxed. “Oh, okay. That sounds great . . . yeah, yeah, we’ll be ready . . . I understand. See you soon.”
“What’s going on?” I asked anxiously.
“The leaders want us to attend a retreat,” Kevin answered, his voice calm as it always was. “It will make us stronger. Then we’ll understand how to respond to Brian and AJ. They want to help us.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. They would take care of everything. Then I thought of something else.
“Does this mean that . . . Brian and AJ are against us?”
“If they refuse to believe in the power of Prayer . . . yes.”
~~~
Brian
After Howie had stormed out, I sat down to do some praying of my own. AJ went back to researching on the net.
We both wished we’d handled the conversation better. But Howie was just . . .
God, what’s happening?
I felt a pair of arms wrap securely around me.
“Brian, calm down.”
When had I started shivering? I tried to relax into AJ’s hug.
“I d-don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I said. Great. Since when did I start stuttering? “We’re prob-bably just overeacting to this whole thing. It’s probably nothing.”
“Then why are you shaking?”
Damn his logic.
“I d-don’t know.”
“This is serious, Brian. They’re getting into some serious shit. And we’ve gotta do something about it.”
“Nick,” I said, suddenly getting an idea.
AJ pulled away. “What?”
“Nick’s the answer,” I said, getting up as my words started to flow faster. “Nick’s the weakest link. He was shaky that night before we went on stage until he talked to Howie!”
AJ’s eyes lit up with understanding. “So, if we can just pry him away from Howie . . .”
We looked at each other, then bolted for the door in unison. We thundered down the hall and skidded to a stop in front of Nick’s door. I took a deep breath to calm myself and knocked. “Nick! We need to talk to you!”
Randy, Kevin’s personal body guard, stepped out of the elevator and started down the hall towards us. “Hey, guys! They’ve already left!” he called.
I swear my heart dropped into my shoes.
“Left?” AJ asked, his voice a little higher than normal. “Where?”
“Didn’t they tell you?” Randy asked as he walked up to us. “They left on some kind of retreat. Said they’d catch up with you guys in Vegas.”
I put my hand against the door to keep my balance. “Y-You didn’t go with them?”
“No, they said the place was private and security wouldn’t be a concern. They also promised to call if there are any problems. So, I guess I get a couple days off then, huh?” He smiled and clapped AJ on the shoulder as he continued his way down the hall.
I looked over at AJ. His face was completely white.
“We’re too late,” he whispered.
“What are you talking about?” I asked. “We’ll just talk to them when they get back. We’re not getting let these people stop us.”
“N-No . . . you don’t understand . . . it’s a retreat. They’ll . . . they’ll be completely brainwashed by the time they get back.”
~~~
***Chapter 4***
Nick
I rubbed my eyes and tried to concentrate on what the presenter was saying. But his words seemed to be oozing back out of my ears. I hadn’t slept in nearly twenty hours and it was really starting to take its toll. This stupid retreat sucked, and I wanted to go home. We were stuck in a giant mansion, and we’d done nothing but talk, sing, pray, chant, and listen to speakers for hours. They hadn’t even given us much food.
“Kevin, I have to get out of here,” I murmured.
“Shh,” he hushed me. “Just a little longer.”
“No!” I snapped, standing up. I didn’t care if I was interrupting the presentation. I needed out. “I’m out of here!”
I saw people already approaching me to entreat me to stay. I bolted for the door and breathed in the fresh air on the balcony. My stomach growled angrily.
“Nicky,” a soft voice said behind me. “Nicky, kid, what’s wrong?” Howie stood beside me.
“I want to go home,” I stated resolutely. No matter what you say . . .
“Nick, you’re free to leave whenever you like,” Howie soothed.
“No I’m not! The van left! And you don’t know when it’s coming back!”
“I’ll call them up right now to come get you, if you want,” Howie said.
I looked up at him. He seemed genuine.
“We just want you to stay, Nicky,” Howie continued. “You’re very important to us. We need you. Everyone in the group is important. I know you’re tired. We’ll be going to bed soon. I just want you to listen to one last presenter, and then you can eat and sleep. I promise. And if I’m lying, I won’t stop you from walking home, if you insist. Okay?”
I took a deep breath, hearing the logic and concern in his voice. My tired brain calculated that a bed and meal would be better than a cold walk home.
“Okay,” I agreed. I followed Howie back inside and saw several people smiling at me as I sat back down.
~~~
Howie
“So, how are our two little gems doing, Howard?” the leader asked the next morning.
“They seem to be progressing well,” I answered, leaning back in the wooden chair. The man I was talking to, Narada, looked very impressive sitting at the large wooden desk. He was a tall black man with glittering eyes; he wore a stylish charcoal gray suit with a red tie. Yeah, he looked impressive. But I knew he was only a link in the chain of command.
“I hope we will not have anymore outbursts like last night,” he said threateningly.
“No,” I replied calmly. Inwardly, I cursed Nicky a little for making such a scene. It wasn’t unusual at this early stage of induction, however. “The final presenter last night was very . . . persuasive. Now, Nick is just fine. Kevin is also doing fairly well. He still seems to have some residual doubts.”
“Do you think either one of them may need to go through the process you did?” he asked neutrally.
I swelled with pride. He trusted me to make the recommendation. “I think it might be appropriate for Kevin. Nick can easily be pacified to obey. Kevin, once he has serious doubts, will be harder to turn.”
“Because you know we are on a schedule, Howard.”
“I know.”
“Very well, then. We will proceed with Kevin tonight. Keep an eye on Nick and make sure he is progressing correctly.”
I nodded.
“I will pass your report on to the other leaders. Dismissed.”
I stood up and left, smiling to myself. Soon, Kevin would be at the same level as me. I couldn’t wait.
~~~
Kevin
I was deep in meditation, successfully shutting off the outside world. I could hear only my inner thoughts. Hopefully soon, I would receive divine guidance. I tried to open myself to allow God’s presence to flow into me.
How could I have been so blind? These people knew all the secrets to discovering God’s will easily and quickly. They were filled with such inner peace; why hadn’t I found them earlier? Why had God chosen to keep me in the dark for so long?
Wait.
Was I really in the dark before? I was happy. I was content, successful. I was in tune with God. My spiritual life wasn’t lacking. So, why did I suddenly need these new meditations? I’d heard God speak before, indirectly. I’d felt His presence. Who are these people? I suddenly thought for the first time. Why do they have all the answers? And why do I trust them? They don’t have any proof that they know the answers to the universe better than anyone else!
I broke out of my meditation.
I wiped the cold sweat from my forehead and looked around the room. All of the guests were sitting Indian style, meditating deeply. Nick was sitting beside me, his head hanging limply.
There was soft music playing in the background. But when I listened to it carefully, I could hear whispered words underneath it. I strained to make them out.
“Kev, what’s wrong?” Howie asked me softly, appearing out of nowhere.
“I just . . . I lost it,” I confessed, getting to my feet and leaving the room, so as not to disturb everyone else. “I just can’t do it anymore. I’ve got too many doubts clouding my mind.”
Howie smiled sympathetically. “Kevin, that’s perfectly normal. Doubts are normal. You just have to learn not to listen to them. You know what I do when I start to doubt? I recite one of the prayers they taught us. Especially the Unity Prayer. It’s so soothing.”
I frowned. “You mean . . . you want me to turn off my doubts like a switch? Shut them out?”
He looked back at me blankly. “What other way is there, Kevin? We have to shut ourselves off from evil influences if we are to achieve spiritual balance. Even the evil within ourselves.”
He was quoting one of the presenters from the previous night. My stomach tightened into a knot.
“Howie . . . I’m not sure I want to stay.”
He smiled again. “Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. Look, why don’t you go take a relaxing dip in the pool, and then I’ll come get you in your room. You’re obviously ahead of the others in development. The leaders have a special program for people like you and me. I went through it, too, and it was wonderful. Nick isn’t at the level where he needs that. But you are. So, give it a chance. If you still want to leave afterwards, you’re free to go. Okay?”
I sighed and nodded. A swim sounded good to me. “Okay, Howie.”
~~~
Later that night, I entered the ballroom. It was empty except for a chair in the middle of the room and several people surrounding it. I recognized some of them from the retreat. There were presenters and facilitators among them.
“Welcome, Kevin,” Howie said warmly. “Sit down.”
“What’s going on?” I asked a little nervously as I approached the chair. My instincts were starting to kick up a fuss. A little voice in my head was beginning to tell me to run.
“This is the ceremony,” Howie explained as I sat in the stiff wooden chair. “It can be a little unsettling. Are you sure you want to do this?”
I took a deep breath. If it worked, I might be better off in the end.
I nodded.
“Okay,” Howie said. “Just remember, we’re all here to help you through this. We only want you to succeed. Now close your eyes and relax.”
I obeyed and tried to clear my mind. I may as well give these people one last chance, I thought to myself.
The men around me began chanting in low voices. I couldn’t recognize the language. Listening carefully, I could tell they were circling me.
It seemed a little cheesy.
Suddenly, I felt something touch each of my wrists.
My eyes jerked open to see that I was being bound to the chair with soft white rope.
“Howie!” I cried. “What’s going on?”
“Relax, Kevin,” his voice soothed me from behind. “This is part of the ceremony. The ropes represent the doubts you have to free yourself from.”
I calmed down a little bit. That made sense. I allowed them to tie my wrists down, followed by my ankles. I tested the ropes, but they were secure. Couldn’t they have left them loose and let the bindings be metaphorical?
Apparently not.
They started chanting and circling again. I wondered how this was supposed to help me if I couldn’t understand what they were saying.
Then they abruptly stopped.
My heart began to pound in my chest.
Howie stood in front of me and drew something from a carved wooden box. It was a syringe.
“Howie, don’t!” I shouted, squirming against the ropes. “Don’t do this!”
“This will help you, Kevin,” he said almost in a monotone. “This will make everything better.”
“No! NOO!”
~~~
***Chapter 5***
Brian
I woke up with a start to the sound of the phone ringing. I fumbled around in the dark before managing to pick up the receiver. “Hello?”
Silence greeted me.
“Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?”
But someone was there. I could hear faint breathing on the other end of the line. My heart leapt into my throat.
“Nick?”
Click.
“Damn,” I swore softly. I tried to use *69, but it didn’t work from the hotel phone. I tried calling the front desk, to see if the caller had been connected through there. He hadn’t.
It was Nick. I knew it had to be.
I considered calling AJ but then decided that I really had no new information to tell him . . . and no way of contacting them.
My hunch had been right. Nick was uneasy.
Please, Nick, get out of there, I thought frantically, trying to project my mind to his. Get out of there before it’s too late. God, please . . .
~~~
Nick
Physically, I felt terrible the next morning. I’d had an awful night. Doubts had begun to cloud my mind. I had even tried to call Brian, against the advice of Howie and the people running the retreat. But . . . but I overcame it. I overcame my doubts and eventually settled into an uneasy sleep.
I tried to project the same aura of calm and confidence that I saw on all the faces around me. How could something be wrong if it made people so happy?
When I met up with Kevin at breakfast, he looked like he’d had as rough a night as I had.
“I feel incredible, Nick,” he told me. “Sometimes a bad night of sleep is just what the doctor ordered. My thoughts have never felt clearer. It feels like I finally have . . . a purpose.” His glazed eyes snapped back into focus, and he smiled patronizingly at me. “But the leaders will explain that to you later.”
I tried to appear content that I would receive more information later, for patience is the greatest of all virtues (as one of the presenters said last night). But I felt a tiny bit hurt that it suddenly felt like Kevin knew a whole lot more than I did.
“Don’t worry, Nicky,” Howie said, sitting down on my other side. “You’ve worked very hard, and the leaders have noticed. You will be informed of their plans tonight.”
I smiled stupidly. I’d made the leaders proud. It was a good feeling, knowing that I’d made very wise people proud.
But . . . a little voice nagged in the back of my mind. Somehow, I think Brian won’t be quite so proud.
That doesn’t matter, I told myself firmly. Brian’s mind is plagued by doubts. One day he will see.
~~~
AJ
Brian and I had tried to prepare ourselves for their return. We had some idea of what we were up against, but not enough. I knew we weren’t ready. I’d already sent out a request for a counselor to help us, but he or she wouldn’t be able to come for a few days. That meant Brian and I were on our own. We’d already decided to use the ancient “good cop bad cop” routine.
I was the bad cop. No brainer, right?
I was nervous as hell, but tried to stay calm for Brian’s sake.
We met up with them at the Luxor hotel in Las Vegas. It’s a really beautiful hotel, but I couldn’t really soak it in with so much on my mind. The five of us finally reunited at dinner.
On the surface, everything was completely normal. I was really proud of Brian. He didn’t show a hint of nervousness at all. I even managed to keep a lid on my anger; I can’t stand false pretenses like this. The only one who wasn’t pretending to be happy was Howie; he barely spoke a word.
“So, Kev, do you want to come to church with me tomorrow morning?” Brian managed as casually as he possibly could.
The table went silent.
“Thanks, cus,” Kevin said politely. “But we did a lot of praying at the retreat. I’m all set for now.”
“But I thought People For Unity Through Prayer wasn’t exclusively a Christian organization. Shouldn’t you still feel the need for a Christian service, since your group only serves as a religious supplement?” I asked, letting my resentment slip a bit.
The table was silent once again.
“I’m fine, AJ,” Kevin said in a dangerous voice. I’d hit a nerve. Good. That was my job: challenge them, make them uncomfortable, make them question.
“And, Howie, I’ve heard there’s this really beautiful Catholic Church, Our Lady of -“
“We don’t require your religious advice, AJ,” Howie retorted slowly, “extensive as it may be.”
Kevin and Nick badly hid their smirks.
“Oh, so you take orders from On High now, huh?” I countered. “Your precious leaders?”
Their smirks turned to shock.
“How did-“ Nick started.
“The leaders are very wise,” Kevin interrupted.
“They’re only human,” I growled. “And so am I. So, what makes their advice so special?”
Nick and Kevin looked ready to argue further, but Howie stopped them.
“They’ve enlightened us, AJ,” Howie replied calmly. “We choose to listen to their teachings.”
I smiled. “Interesting word, Howie. Choose.”
Nick abruptly left the table.
Automatically, Howie and Kevin started to follow him, but he waved them off. As he reached the door of the restaurant, Brian stood up and left.
~~~
Nick
I felt like my legs were about to fall off by the time I finally got back to my room. I’d walked around the town, admiring the sites (incognito, of course). It was beautiful, if fake. I told myself that I shouldn’t be impressed by such materialism, but I couldn’t help myself. Howie told Kevin and I that he would remain in his room for our stay; he didn’t want to be tempted by Sin City outside.
But I didn’t gamble or watch the dancing girls. I just wanted to see the sights and the people. Was that so wrong?
I also just had to get away from the rest of them. It broke my heart to see the five of us fighting. It isn’t supposed to be like this! I thought to myself. Howie told us his dream was for the five of us to unite in prayer and spread a peaceful message to the world through our music. That sounded so good . . . we could really reach people . . .
But weren’t we already? So many people told us day in and day out how much our music meant to them and how it had changed their lives. Didn’t that mean anything?
Well, it didn’t mean anything to Howie or Kevin when I mentioned it at the retreat. They told me that if we didn’t directly motivate people to pray for unity that it wasn’t enough. It was meaningless.
It didn’t seem meaningless to me.
I shook my head, trying to clear it of these nagging doubts. I started reciting the Unity Prayer silently, but images of our smiling fans drifted through the words. How did Kevin and Howie cleanse their minds so completely? I envied them.
But envy is wrong, I told myself. Everyone has different gifts. I am happy with my gifts, and they sufficient to help accomplish my purpose in life.
“Hey, stranger,” Brian said softly as I reached my room.
“Hey,” I mumbled as I fumbled for my room card.
“We’ve all been worried about you,” he continued, leaning on his doorframe. “In fact, I think Kevin accused AJ of kidnapping you at one point.”
I dropped my card, and I could hear Brian chuckling a little as I bent down to pick it up.
“You’re not serious,” I said.
“Actually, I am,” he answered, the smile gone.
I could feel a blush creeping into my cheeks. How could Kevin think that? I wondered. That’s ridiculous! But I already knew the answer. The leaders had warned us that AJ and Brian were against us; they’d said . . . I didn’t want to remember. They said they were evil and wanted to hurt us.
What’s worse is that when they said it . . . I believed them. But now that I was thinking about it again, it seemed . . . impossible.
“Are you okay?” Brian asked gently.
I remembered that he hadn’t said a word during the argument at dinner.
“I’m . . . I’m f-f-fih . . .” It was as if my tongue got tied in a knot. I’d been instructed not to talk to Brian or AJ alone. I was supposed to say that I was fine and walk away.
But I wasn’t fine.
“Nick.” Brian’s voice sounded far away. “You’re shaking.”
I was. I couldn’t get my card into the slot because my whole body was shivering.
Tell him tell him tell him tell him . . . my brain started screaming.
“Nick, I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to,” Brian said, still keeping his distance from me. “But if you want to talk to me, you can.”
The leaders had warned me that Brian and AJ would take advantage of my weakness and corner me.
But Brian hadn’t. He’d only offered me an invitation. He wasn’t bullying me at all. So, what was I supposed to do?
“I g-gotta go,” I mumbled finally getting my door open.
I slid inside and slammed the door. I started to say all the prayers I could think of, but I was so nervous I kept forgetting the words halfway through.
I threw myself onto my bed and tried to forget everything altogether. I didn’t want to think. Thinking hurt.
~~~
AJ
Despite the obvious tension between the five of us, we still had to perform for our fans. I was a bit relieved; I could put my energy into my performance. And I had an excuse not to talk directly to Howie or Kevin. For the most part, I was letting Nick alone. He looked nervous most of the time; I didn’t want to breathe down his neck. I left him to Brian.
My blood boiled a bit when Nick, Kevin, and Howie declined to join our traditional group prayer circle before the show. They withdrew and formed one of their own. I saw Nick looking longingly back at our circle before Howie pulled him away.
I tried not to look at Brian, whose eyes began to fill with tears; he blinked them back.
I didn’t see any of the other guys while we were getting dressed. We didn’t meet up again until we were ready to go on stage. I could faintly hear the fans chanting, “Backstreet Boys!” as we got our microphones and earpieces hooked up. Howie and Kevin looked confident to the point of arrogance. Nick and Brian looked uneasy. Howie kept smiling at Nick encouragingly as the crew fussed around us, making sure our costumes and hair were perfect. I ducked away from their hands, getting irritated. I didn’t want to be fussed over tonight. I tried to think of my fans and concentrate on giving them a good show. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, trying to clear my head of other thoughts.
The lights went out, the music started, and the five platforms we stood on began to rise. We performed our opening song. For a few minutes, it seemed as if all of our troubles were gone, like everything was as it had been. We danced and sang in unison and harmony.
It was as if nothing was wrong at all.
The fans certainly thought so.
~~~
Howie
My heart was pounding in my throat as I took the stage to give my speech to the fans. Brian had already had his turn. Nick and Kevin were standing nearby, ready to help me when the time was right.
They were also there as an added precaution, should Brian and AJ attempt to disrupt our plans.
“Hola everyone!” I boomed into the microphone as I rose up from the stage. “How ya’ll doin’?” The crowd screamed in response. AJ had once theorized that we could have been reciting nursery rhymes, and the girls still would have screamed. But now I had to make sure they were listening.
“We wanna thank you all for coming tonight. We appreciate it. But now I’d like to slow things down a bit and tell you about something important that happened to me.” The crowd began to calm down a bit.
They were listening. I was going to get through.
“I’ve been blessed with such inner peace ever since I met the most wonderful group of people. They’re known as People for Unity Through Prayer. They’ve taught me how to pray and hear God’s true voice. I’d like to tell you about some of my experiences. I -“ I heard a click in my ear and suddenly couldn’t hear myself on my ear monitor. My mike was dead. I smiled nervously and tapped it a few times. The crowd’s cheers became questioning. I looked backstage and waved frantically at the technicians. They were shrugging and fiddling with dials. I paced back and forth for a bit, hoping the mike would start working again. I kept tapping the mike and trying to talk, but it wasn’t working.
I was getting desperate. I started walking over to the technicians, but when I stepped on the center platform, it began lowering. I nearly lost my balance as I was sucked quickly into the stage.
I turned furiously to the technicians under the stage.
“What the FUCK happened?!” I exploded. I hardly knew what words were coming out of my mouth. “That was very important! What the hell went wrong?! It’s essential that I get back out there! Don’t let that asshole out there until I get my turn! I’m the only hope those lost brats out there have! Fix this fucking thing NOW!”
The room - and the whole arena - had gone quiet. I could hear the last syllable of my words echoing over the sound system.
They hadn’t heard my speech, but they had heard my tirade.
“Your mike’s off now, Howie,” a technician told me quietly.
As I started to head numbly back to the dressing room, I saw AJ standing beside the stage manager.
“You.”
I launched myself at him and wrestled him to the floor. I heard voices around me as I started punching him in the stomach.
“You ruined everything! You will pay for getting in the way of our plans!”
Hands pulled me off my bandmate and hustled me back to the dressing room as I heard the shaky beginning of Nick’s talk with the audience.
~~~
To be continued . . .