***Chapter 2***
Nick
I tried to wipe away the tears before they could run down my face, but they were starting to come too quickly. I pulled my baseball cap as far down as it would go and exited the elevator.
I prayed that I wouldn’t run into any of the other guys as I walked down to my room. As I passed by Howie’s room, the door was slightly ajar and sappy music was drifting out.
If I hadn’t been crying, I would have laughed out loud.
Just as I thought I was safely past the door, I heard his voice. “What’s wrong, Nicky?” the gentle voice came from within.
I stopped and considered my options. Maybe it would be better to talk to someone.
I sighed and pushed the door to his room all the way open. “Can I come in?”
“Of course,” he said warmly, gesturing to the bed. “Sit down.”
I sat down on the neatly made bed and ashamedly dried my face. Howie saw next to me, a little closer than I normally liked.
“What’s wrong?” he asked quietly.
“Everything,” I spat out, trying not to cry again.
“Start from the beginning,” he prodded in a motherly tone.
“I was reading some reviews of us . . .” I paused momentarily, waiting to be chided for actually reading what some critic has to say about us, but Howie didn’t interrupt me. “And even though I’ve been working out, they’re still razzing me about my weight.” I sniffled, trying to control myself. “They just won’t lay off us. They even say we lip-synch at our concerts! I try not to let it bug me, but . . .” I glanced up at his unchanged expression. “It’s just been hard not having Brian around as much to talk to. I mean, I’m just used to talking to him . . . but he’s probably on the phone to Leighanne
. . .”
“I know, Nick,” Howie said softly, resting a hand on my shoulder. “I know what it feels like when you think no one understands you. Trust me, I know. But you’re not alone, Nick. No matter how much you might feel that way.” Oddly enough, I thought I heard his breathing speed up as he paused. “There is someone who understands everything, Nicky.”
“Yeah?” I replied skeptically. “And who’s that?”
Howie’s voice took on a tone of awe. “God, Nicky. God understands everything.”
“Why doesn’t he DO anything then?!” I exploded, having been given that response a few too many times.
“Have you asked him?” Howie countered softly.
“What do you mean?” I asked, my emotions swirling. I want things to make sense so badly, I thought randomly. I want there to be an easy answer.
“Prayer, Nicky. I’m talking about prayer.”
Prayer? I thought. Could that help?
I was desperate for any comfort I could get. If Howie thought prayer would help, I’d try it whole-heartedly.
~~~ AJ
“Hey, Nick,” I said as the blonde sat down to breakfast.
“Morning!” he replied brightly.
“Thought I saw you come out of Howie’s room last night,” I mentioned casually.
He nodded, pouring himself a cup of coffee.
“What’d you talk about?” I asked, hoping he’d gotten something out of him.
Nick smiled, almost dreamily. “He just helped me out with some stuff. I really needed it.”
“Did he seem okay to you?” I asked, getting a bad feeling in my stomach.
Nick smiled again. “Believe me, AJ, he’s never been better.”
I shuddered involuntarily. What’s wrong with this picture?
Nick looked up in concern as Brian joined us at the table. “Are you okay?”
Brian looked as if he’d hardly slept.
“I’m all right,” Brian said softly. “Just had some strange dreams last night.”
“Anything you wanna talk about?” Nick asked kindly.
Since when does Nick offer counseling? I wondered.
Brian managed a smile. “Nah, I’m fine, Frack.”
Kevin and Howie joined the table at the same time.
“Hey Nicky,” Howie said brightly. “Feeling better?”
“You bet,” Nick said enthusiastically. It sounded almost rehearsed.
Brian looked at Nick, concerned. “What was wrong last night?”
“He’s fine, Brian,” Howie assured him. “He just needed a little advice.”
“Why doesn’t Nick answer for himself?” I jumped in.
Nick looked genuinely puzzled. “I’m fine, AJ,” he answered calmly. “Is something wrong?”
I looked at the faces surrounding me. Kevin, Nick, and Howie all looked startled. Brian still just looked tired.
“I just feel like something’s goin’ on . . .” I trailed off, having no real evidence.
Howie gave me what was supposed to be a reassuring smile, but it looked hollow to me. “Everything’s fine, AJ. Nick’s fine, and Brian just needs to take a nap.”
“Right,” I said, nodding. I tried to shake off my uneasy feelings, but I couldn’t manage it.
When I looked back up, Brian met my gaze meaningfully. Maybe I’m not the only one who thinks there’s something wrong.
~~~ Brian
All day I tried to find some time to talk to AJ alone. But our day was too busy with rehearsal, an interview, and a meet and greet. When we finally got a little down time backstage before the concert, I went looking for him.
As I opened the door to the green room, I saw Nick huddled on the floor, rocking back and forth.
“Nick!” I cried, kneeling beside him. “What’s wrong?”
“I-I’m fine . . .” he managed. “I just need to talk to Howie.”
“You’re not fine,” I insisted. “And Howie’s gone out to dinner. What’s wrong?”
Nick looked terrified. “But . . . I need help . . .”
“Let me help you, Nick,” I said soothingly.
He looked up at me and said the strangest thing. “Will you pray with me?”
I blinked in confusion, then gathered myself. “Sure, Frack. What brought this on?” I got to my feet and offered him a hand up.
“I’m confused,” he said nervously. “I just need things to make sense again.”
“Okay,” I consented. I sat down on the couch and Nick sat next to me. I rested a hand on his shoulder and closed my eyes.
“Dear Jesus,” I began, “wherever two gather in your name, you are present. We call on you now to be with Nick and guide him through this time. Let him feel your presence in his life. Lead him on the right path.”
Nick seemed to grow a little bit calmer as I spoke, but he was still very tense.
“Feel better?” I ask him after a few minutes.
He nodded, though I could see he was lying. “Think I’m just gonna get a little air before we have to get dressed.”
“All right,” I acknowledged. “I’m here if you need anything,” I reminded him.
He managed a weak smile. “I know. Thanks, Frick.”
I watched him leave the green room and said another prayer.
God, please help Nick with whatever’s wrong with him. Keep him safe.
~~~ Kevin
I looked at the faces of my brothers as we bustled around backstage. It was nearly time to get on with the show. Let’s get started! Turn the lights -- sorry. Tangent.
Force of habit, I guess. I still look after the guys, check up on them.
AJ looked very edgy. I guess he was still weirded out by whatever was bugging him at breakfast. Brian no longer looked tired -- just worried. He kept stealing glances at Nick. Howie and Nick, however, looked relaxed, happy, confident -- almost glowing.
“What’s with you and Nick?” I murmured to Howie as I pulled on my long black coat for the opening number.
Howie grinned back at me. “You really wanna know?” he asked.
I nodded. Seeing his meditation was a little weird, but if it was doing him that much good . . .
“When I was in New Jersey, I joined a group called People for Unity Through Prayer. It’s been really helpful and the organization does many good works all over the world.” He looked up as the music for the opening song began. “I’ll tell you all about it after the show.”
~~~ AJ
I knocked loudly on Brian’s door. I’d been waiting to talk to him all night.
Brian opened the door, dressed in boxers and a t-shirt.
“Oh sorry, Rok,” I said, feeling embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I wasn’t asleep,” he answered. “I wanted to talk to you anyway.” He moved to let me inside. I went in and paced around impatiently. “You start.”
Brian sat down on the unmade bed, trying to straighten his tousled hair. “Something weird is going on with Howie and now Nick.”
I breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Good. It’s not just me.”
“Nick was having some kind of anxiety attack backstage,” Brian recalled. “He asked me to pray with him.”
I removed my sunglasses, looking at Brian in surprise. “Pray?”
“Yeah,” Brian replied. “Not exactly something Nick usually asks for. So, I said sure and prayed with him. He calmed down a little, but not much. Then when we went on stage, he was perfectly fine.”
“He saw Howie in between,” I stated. “I saw Howie talking to him.”
“What the hell is going on?”
I shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. “I don’t know. But something’s not right. Howie looks like a fuckin’ zombie. His eyes are . . . they’re . . . empty.”
Brian shivered. “Yeah.”
There was a short silence.
“I think we should talk to Kevin,” I suggested. “He saw Howie meditating; he’s probably still weirded out, too.”
Brian nodded. “Good idea.”
“You’re not dressed,” I pointed out. “I’ll go get him and bring him back here.”
“All right,” Brian consented.
~~~ Brian
AJ returned a few minutes later, his face angry.
“What happened?” I asked, afraid of the answer.
AJ stayed in front of the door, leaning his back against it. “Nick, Howie, and Kevin were having prayer circle. They invited us to join in.”
I shivered and swore under my breath. “Another one bites the dust.”
“We need to find out what’s going on,” AJ said decisively.
“How?”
AJ smirked. “Good old detective work, dear B-Rok.”
~~~ We sat down in front of AJ’s laptop the next morning.
“Where do we start?” I asked.
“With the name of the organization,” AJ answered. “I managed to get that out of them last night.”
“People for Unity Through Prayer?” I read as AJ typed it into the search engine. “That doesn’t sound like a bad thing . . .”
“Here’s the official website,” AJ said as the results popped up. He paused before clicking on it. “If either of us starts to . . . go for this shit, we’ve gotta slap some sense into the other, okay?”
I looked at him skeptically. How could reading a website cause any harm. “Bone --”
“Brian. Listen,” AJ said, turning to face me. “I think our friends are being manipulated by something. This is serious shit. It’s easy to get caught up.”
I squirmed a little in my seat. I wanted to tell him he was being paranoid . . . but somehow I knew that wasn’t the case. “Okay.”
AJ nodded, turned back to the screen, and started to read. “People for Unity Through Prayer is a group of people from all religions that aims to change the world through prayer. We form local prayer groups all over the world to pray for change and deepen their spiritual lives of our members. We welcome people from all different religions.” AJ paused. “This is total crap. We can’t learn anything from this propaganda.”
“Try another site,” I prodded.
AJ nodded and pulled up another page. “Shit,” he whispered. “I was afraid of this.”
“Destructive and/or mind control cults are often disguised as meditation groups, self-help organizations, management seminars, even Bible study groups. Watch out for the following cover-up groups,” I read out loud.
“Shit,” AJ muttered. “People for Unity Through Prayer is on the list to watch out for.”
“What the hell do they mean by destructive cult?” I asked, getting more and more uneasy.
“I think I saw something about that on the search page,” AJ said, also visibly trying to stay calm. “Here it is: cults that use mind control and/or brainwashing techniques.” He looked over at me. “Let’s figure out what the hell those idiots got themselves into.”
~~~