***Chapter 4***
Nick
I rubbed my eyes and tried to concentrate on what the presenter was saying. But his words seemed to be oozing back out of my ears. I hadn’t slept in nearly twenty hours and it was really starting to take its toll. This stupid retreat sucked, and I wanted to go home. We were stuck in a giant mansion, and we’d done nothing but talk, sing, pray, chant, and listen to speakers for hours. They hadn’t even given us much food.
“Kevin, I have to get out of here,” I murmured.
“Shh,” he hushed me. “Just a little longer.”
“No!” I snapped, standing up. I didn’t care if I was interrupting the presentation. I needed out. “I’m out of here!”
I saw people already approaching me to entreat me to stay. I bolted for the door and breathed in the fresh air on the balcony. My stomach growled angrily.
“Nicky,” a soft voice said behind me. “Nicky, kid, what’s wrong?” Howie stood beside me.
“I want to go home,” I stated resolutely. No matter what you say . . .
“Nick, you’re free to leave whenever you like,” Howie soothed.
“No I’m not! The van left! And you don’t know when it’s coming back!”
“I’ll call them up right now to come get you, if you want,” Howie said.
I looked up at him. He seemed genuine.
“We just want you to stay, Nicky,” Howie continued. “You’re very important to us. We need you. Everyone in the group is important. I know you’re tired. We’ll be going to bed soon. I just want you to listen to one last presenter, and then you can eat and sleep. I promise. And if I’m lying, I won’t stop you from walking home, if you insist. Okay?”
I took a deep breath, hearing the logic and concern in his voice. My tired brain calculated that a bed and meal would be better than a cold walk home.
“Okay,” I agreed. I followed Howie back inside and saw several people smiling at me as I sat back down.
~~~
Howie
“So, how are our two little gems doing, Howard?” the leader asked the next morning.
“They seem to be progressing well,” I answered, leaning back in the wooden chair. The man I was talking to, Narada, looked very impressive sitting at the large wooden desk. He was a tall black man with glittering eyes; he wore a stylish charcoal gray suit with a red tie. Yeah, he looked impressive. But I knew he was only a link in the chain of command.
“I hope we will not have anymore outbursts like last night,” he said threateningly.
“No,” I replied calmly. Inwardly, I cursed Nicky a little for making such a scene. It wasn’t unusual at this early stage of induction, however. “The final presenter last night was very . . . persuasive. Now, Nick is just fine. Kevin is also doing fairly well. He still seems to have some residual doubts.”
“Do you think either one of them may need to go through the process you did?” he asked neutrally.
I swelled with pride. He trusted me to make the recommendation. “I think it might be appropriate for Kevin. Nick can easily be pacified to obey. Kevin, once he has serious doubts, will be harder to turn.”
“Because you know we are on a schedule, Howard.”
“I know.”
“Very well, then. We will proceed with Kevin tonight. Keep an eye on Nick and make sure he is progressing correctly.”
I nodded.
“I will pass your report on to the other leaders. Dismissed.”
I stood up and left, smiling to myself. Soon, Kevin would be at the same level as me. I couldn’t wait.
~~~
Kevin
I was deep in meditation, successfully shutting off the outside world. I could hear only my inner thoughts. Hopefully soon, I would receive divine guidance. I tried to open myself to allow God’s presence to flow into me.
How could I have been so blind? These people knew all the secrets to discovering God’s will easily and quickly. They were filled with such inner peace; why hadn’t I found them earlier? Why had God chosen to keep me in the dark for so long?
Wait.
Was I really in the dark before? I was happy. I was content, successful. I was in tune with God. My spiritual life wasn’t lacking. So, why did I suddenly need these new meditations? I’d heard God speak before, indirectly. I’d felt His presence. Who are these people? I suddenly thought for the first time. Why do they have all the answers? And why do I trust them? They don’t have any proof that they know the answers to the universe better than anyone else!
I broke out of my meditation.
I wiped the cold sweat from my forehead and looked around the room. All of the guests were sitting Indian style, meditating deeply. Nick was sitting beside me, his head hanging limply.
There was soft music playing in the background. But when I listened to it carefully, I could hear whispered words underneath it. I strained to make them out.
“Kev, what’s wrong?” Howie asked me softly, appearing out of nowhere.
“I just . . . I lost it,” I confessed, getting to my feet and leaving the room, so as not to disturb everyone else. “I just can’t do it anymore. I’ve got too many doubts clouding my mind.”
Howie smiled sympathetically. “Kevin, that’s perfectly normal. Doubts are normal. You just have to learn not to listen to them. You know what I do when I start to doubt? I recite one of the prayers they taught us. Especially the Unity Prayer. It’s so soothing.”
I frowned. “You mean . . . you want me to turn off my doubts like a switch? Shut them out?”
He looked back at me blankly. “What other way is there, Kevin? We have to shut ourselves off from evil influences if we are to achieve spiritual balance. Even the evil within ourselves.”
He was quoting one of the presenters from the previous night. My stomach tightened into a knot.
“Howie . . . I’m not sure I want to stay.”
He smiled again. “Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. Look, why don’t you go take a relaxing dip in the pool, and then I’ll come get you in your room. You’re obviously ahead of the others in development. The leaders have a special program for people like you and me. I went through it, too, and it was wonderful. Nick isn’t at the level where he needs that. But you are. So, give it a chance. If you still want to leave afterwards, you’re free to go. Okay?”
I sighed and nodded. A swim sounded good to me. “Okay, Howie.”
~~~ Later that night, I entered the ballroom. It was empty except for a chair in the middle of the room and several people surrounding it. I recognized some of them from the retreat. There were presenters and facilitators among them.
“Welcome, Kevin,” Howie said warmly. “Sit down.”
“What’s going on?” I asked a little nervously as I approached the chair. My instincts were starting to kick up a fuss. A little voice in my head was beginning to tell me to run.
“This is the ceremony,” Howie explained as I sat in the stiff wooden chair. “It can be a little unsettling. Are you sure you want to do this?”
I took a deep breath. If it worked, I might be better off in the end.
I nodded.
“Okay,” Howie said. “Just remember, we’re all here to help you through this. We only want you to succeed. Now close your eyes and relax.”
I obeyed and tried to clear my mind. I may as well give these people one last chance, I thought to myself.
The men around me began chanting in low voices. I couldn’t recognize the language. Listening carefully, I could tell they were circling me.
It seemed a little cheesy.
Suddenly, I felt something touch each of my wrists.
My eyes jerked open to see that I was being bound to the chair with soft white rope.
“Howie!” I cried. “What’s going on?”
“Relax, Kevin,” his voice soothed me from behind. “This is part of the ceremony. The ropes represent the doubts you have to free yourself from.”
I calmed down a little bit. That made sense. I allowed them to tie my wrists down, followed by my ankles. I tested the ropes, but they were secure. Couldn’t they have left them loose and let the bindings be metaphorical?
Apparently not.
They started chanting and circling again. I wondered how this was supposed to help me if I couldn’t understand what they were saying.
Then they abruptly stopped.
My heart began to pound in my chest.
Howie stood in front of me and drew something from a carved wooden box. It was a syringe.
“Howie, don’t!” I shouted, squirming against the ropes. “Don’t do this!”
“This will help you, Kevin,” he said almost in a monotone. “This will make everything better.”
“No! NOO!”
~~~ To be continued . . .