***Chapter 5***
Brian
I woke up with a start to the sound of the phone ringing. I fumbled around in the dark before managing to pick up the receiver. “Hello?”
Silence greeted me.
“Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?”
But someone was there. I could hear faint breathing on the other end of the line. My heart leapt into my throat.
“Nick?”
Click.
“Damn,” I swore softly. I tried to use *69, but it didn’t work from the hotel phone. I tried calling the front desk, to see if the caller had been connected through there. He hadn’t.
It was Nick. I knew it had to be.
I considered calling AJ but then decided that I really had no new information to tell him . . . and no way of contacting them.
My hunch had been right. Nick was uneasy.
Please, Nick, get out of there, I thought frantically, trying to project my mind to his. Get out of there before it’s too late. God, please . . .
~~~
Nick
Physically, I felt terrible the next morning. I’d had an awful night. Doubts had begun to cloud my mind. I had even tried to call Brian, against the advice of Howie and the people running the retreat. But . . . but I overcame it. I overcame my doubts and eventually settled into an uneasy sleep.
I tried to project the same aura of calm and confidence that I saw on all the faces around me. How could something be wrong if it made people so happy?
When I met up with Kevin at breakfast, he looked like he’d had as rough a night as I had.
“I feel incredible, Nick,” he told me. “Sometimes a bad night of sleep is just what the doctor ordered. My thoughts have never felt clearer. It feels like I finally have . . . a purpose.” His glazed eyes snapped back into focus, and he smiled patronizingly at me. “But the leaders will explain that to you later.”
I tried to appear content that I would receive more information later, for patience is the greatest of all virtues (as one of the presenters said last night). But I felt a tiny bit hurt that it suddenly felt like Kevin knew a whole lot more than I did.
“Don’t worry, Nicky,” Howie said, sitting down on my other side. “You’ve worked very hard, and the leaders have noticed. You will be informed of their plans tonight.”
I smiled stupidly. I’d made the leaders proud. It was a good feeling, knowing that I’d made very wise people proud.
But . . . a little voice nagged in the back of my mind. Somehow, I think Brian won’t be quite so proud.
That doesn’t matter, I told myself firmly. Brian’s mind is plagued by doubts. One day he will see.
~~~
AJ
Brian and I had tried to prepare ourselves for their return. We had some idea of what we were up against, but not enough. I knew we weren’t ready. I’d already sent out a request for a counselor to help us, but he or she wouldn’t be able to come for a few days. That meant Brian and I were on our own. We’d already decided to use the ancient “good cop bad cop” routine.
I was the bad cop. No brainer, right?
I was nervous as hell, but tried to stay calm for Brian’s sake.
We met up with them at the Luxor hotel in Las Vegas. It’s a really beautiful hotel, but I couldn’t really soak it in with so much on my mind. The five of us finally reunited at dinner.
On the surface, everything was completely normal. I was really proud of Brian. He didn’t show a hint of nervousness at all. I even managed to keep a lid on my anger; I can’t stand false pretenses like this. The only one who wasn’t pretending to be happy was Howie; he barely spoke a word.
“So, Kev, do you want to come to church with me tomorrow morning?” Brian managed as casually as he possibly could.
The table went silent.
“Thanks, cus,” Kevin said politely. “But we did a lot of praying at the retreat. I’m all set for now.”
“But I thought People For Unity Through Prayer wasn’t exclusively a Christian organization. Shouldn’t you still feel the need for a Christian service, since your group only serves as a religious supplement?” I asked, letting my resentment slip a bit.
The table was silent once again.
“I’m fine, AJ,” Kevin said in a dangerous voice. I’d hit a nerve. Good. That was my job: challenge them, make them uncomfortable, make them question.
“And, Howie, I’ve heard there’s this really beautiful Catholic Church, Our Lady of -“
“We don’t require your religious advice, AJ,” Howie retorted slowly, “extensive as it may be.”
Kevin and Nick badly hid their smirks.
“Oh, so you take orders from On High now, huh?” I countered. “Your precious leaders?”
Their smirks turned to shock.
“How did-“ Nick started.
“The leaders are very wise,” Kevin interrupted.
“They’re only human,” I growled. “And so am I. So, what makes their advice so special?”
Nick and Kevin looked ready to argue further, but Howie stopped them.
“They’ve enlightened us, AJ,” Howie replied calmly. “We choose to listen to their teachings.”
I smiled. “Interesting word, Howie. Choose.”
Nick abruptly left the table.
Automatically, Howie and Kevin started to follow him, but he waved them off. As he reached the door of the restaurant, Brian stood up and left.
~~~
Nick
I felt like my legs were about to fall off by the time I finally got back to my room. I’d walked around the town, admiring the sites (incognito, of course). It was beautiful, if fake. I told myself that I shouldn’t be impressed by such materialism, but I couldn’t help myself. Howie told Kevin and I that he would remain in his room for our stay; he didn’t want to be tempted by Sin City outside.
But I didn’t gamble or watch the dancing girls. I just wanted to see the sights and the people. Was that so wrong?
I also just had to get away from the rest of them. It broke my heart to see the five of us fighting. It isn’t supposed to be like this! I thought to myself. Howie told us his dream was for the five of us to unite in prayer and spread a peaceful message to the world through our music. That sounded so good . . . we could really reach people . . .
But weren’t we already? So many people told us day in and day out how much our music meant to them and how it had changed their lives. Didn’t that mean anything?
Well, it didn’t mean anything to Howie or Kevin when I mentioned it at the retreat. They told me that if we didn’t directly motivate people to pray for unity that it wasn’t enough. It was meaningless.
It didn’t seem meaningless to me.
I shook my head, trying to clear it of these nagging doubts. I started reciting the Unity Prayer silently, but images of our smiling fans drifted through the words. How did Kevin and Howie cleanse their minds so completely? I envied them.
But envy is wrong, I told myself. Everyone has different gifts. I am happy with my gifts, and they sufficient to help accomplish my purpose in life.
“Hey, stranger,” Brian said softly as I reached my room.
“Hey,” I mumbled as I fumbled for my room card.
“We’ve all been worried about you,” he continued, leaning on his doorframe. “In fact, I think Kevin accused AJ of kidnapping you at one point.”
I dropped my card, and I could hear Brian chuckling a little as I bent down to pick it up.
“You’re not serious,” I said.
“Actually, I am,” he answered, the smile gone.
I could feel a blush creeping into my cheeks. How could Kevin think that? I wondered. That’s ridiculous! But I already knew the answer. The leaders had warned us that AJ and Brian were against us; they’d said . . . I didn’t want to remember. They said they were evil and wanted to hurt us.
What’s worse is that when they said it . . . I believed them. But now that I was thinking about it again, it seemed . . . impossible.
“Are you okay?” Brian asked gently.
I remembered that he hadn’t said a word during the argument at dinner.
“I’m . . . I’m f-f-fih . . .” It was as if my tongue got tied in a knot. I’d been instructed not to talk to Brian or AJ alone. I was supposed to say that I was fine and walk away.
But I wasn’t fine.
“Nick.” Brian’s voice sounded far away. “You’re shaking.”
I was. I couldn’t get my card into the slot because my whole body was shivering.
Tell him tell him tell him tell him . . . my brain started screaming.
“Nick, I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to,” Brian said, still keeping his distance from me. “But if you want to talk to me, you can.”
The leaders had warned me that Brian and AJ would take advantage of my weakness and corner me.
But Brian hadn’t. He’d only offered me an invitation. He wasn’t bullying me at all. So, what was I supposed to do?
“I g-gotta go,” I mumbled finally getting my door open.
I slid inside and slammed the door. I started to say all the prayers I could think of, but I was so nervous I kept forgetting the words halfway through.
I threw myself onto my bed and tried to forget everything altogether. I didn’t want to think. Thinking hurt.
~~~
AJ
Despite the obvious tension between the five of us, we still had to perform for our fans. I was a bit relieved; I could put my energy into my performance. And I had an excuse not to talk directly to Howie or Kevin. For the most part, I was letting Nick alone. He looked nervous most of the time; I didn’t want to breathe down his neck. I left him to Brian.
My blood boiled a bit when Nick, Kevin, and Howie declined to join our traditional group prayer circle before the show. They withdrew and formed one of their own. I saw Nick looking longingly back at our circle before Howie pulled him away.
I tried not to look at Brian, whose eyes began to fill with tears; he blinked them back.
I didn’t see any of the other guys while we were getting dressed. We didn’t meet up again until we were ready to go on stage. I could faintly hear the fans chanting, “Backstreet Boys!” as we got our microphones and earpieces hooked up. Howie and Kevin looked confident to the point of arrogance. Nick and Brian looked uneasy. Howie kept smiling at Nick encouragingly as the crew fussed around us, making sure our costumes and hair were perfect. I ducked away from their hands, getting irritated. I didn’t want to be fussed over tonight. I tried to think of my fans and concentrate on giving them a good show. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, trying to clear my head of other thoughts.
The lights went out, the music started, and the five platforms we stood on began to rise. We performed our opening song. For a few minutes, it seemed as if all of our troubles were gone, like everything was as it had been. We danced and sang in unison and harmony.
It was as if nothing was wrong at all.
The fans certainly thought so.
~~~
Howie
My heart was pounding in my throat as I took the stage to give my speech to the fans. Brian had already had his turn. Nick and Kevin were standing nearby, ready to help me when the time was right.
They were also there as an added precaution, should Brian and AJ attempt to disrupt our plans.
“Hola everyone!” I boomed into the microphone as I rose up from the stage. “How ya’ll doin’?” The crowd screamed in response. AJ had once theorized that we could have been reciting nursery rhymes, and the girls still would have screamed. But now I had to make sure they were listening.
“We wanna thank you all for coming tonight. We appreciate it. But now I’d like to slow things down a bit and tell you about something important that happened to me.” The crowd began to calm down a bit.
They were listening. I was going to get through.
“I’ve been blessed with such inner peace ever since I met the most wonderful group of people. They’re known as People for Unity Through Prayer. They’ve taught me how to pray and hear God’s true voice. I’d like to tell you about some of my experiences. I -“ I heard a click in my ear and suddenly couldn’t hear myself on my ear monitor. My mike was dead. I smiled nervously and tapped it a few times. The crowd’s cheers became questioning. I looked backstage and waved frantically at the technicians. They were shrugging and fiddling with dials. I paced back and forth for a bit, hoping the mike would start working again. I kept tapping the mike and trying to talk, but it wasn’t working.
I was getting desperate. I started walking over to the technicians, but when I stepped on the center platform, it began lowering. I nearly lost my balance as I was sucked quickly into the stage.
I turned furiously to the technicians under the stage.
“What the FUCK happened?!” I exploded. I hardly knew what words were coming out of my mouth. “That was very important! What the hell went wrong?! It’s essential that I get back out there! Don’t let that asshole out there until I get my turn! I’m the only hope those lost brats out there have! Fix this fucking thing NOW!”
The room - and the whole arena - had gone quiet. I could hear the last syllable of my words echoing over the sound system.
They hadn’t heard my speech, but they had heard my tirade.
“Your mike’s off now, Howie,” a technician told me quietly.
As I started to head numbly back to the dressing room, I saw AJ standing beside the stage manager.
“You.”
I launched myself at him and wrestled him to the floor. I heard voices around me as I started punching him in the stomach.
“You ruined everything! You will pay for getting in the way of our plans!”
Hands pulled me off my bandmate and hustled me back to the dressing room as I heard the shaky beginning of Nick’s talk with the audience.
~~~
To be continued . . .